xXYuukieXx
@ JadeyKins01 Hey Jadey^^,
Its me again. I saw your post on the second book of your creepypasta story and i have some suggestions.
I hope i am Not to annoying with my suggestions.
First of all, i love this book (even more after the changes you made!) and hope i can be of help!
In my initial idea (when y/n's child was still a thing) i thought of the child as a Story macguffin to keep going with the plot, but the child no longer exists....
BUT i still think (and i think you already have a plot surrounding this) having some higher form of evil as the main antagonist. Like somebody as strong as slender, maybe even a melenium old rivalry. And sally only ran away because she had that thing following her, trying to access slender mansion. That thing maybe wants to feed off of slenders power through his proxies.
You could also bring in the beginning arc with the gentlemens Club with this idea and connect it later with the new or main story. I have two suggestions that could go together or you could also use them seperatly:
-1-
xXYuukieXx
---->
Thats all i have right now but if you want more or something diffrent just ask i have literally nothing else to do at this point. I also have many ideas for Natalie (if you want her in the story but dont know what to do with her. I kinda liked the fact that y/n had a 'friend' back at the Club and because she did not seem to have any Real friends outside the mansion i thought she could be far more than a character in the beginning arc.)
As of now i still love your writing style and please dont abandon this book even if you take Breaks! And please take them if you feel like you need them.
I am sorry also. I know you said to post this in the comments but wattpad would not let me. I have written everything in my notes so i just copy it to here and by my life, wattpqd did not allow this big paragraph being posted in the comments.
-6-
xXYuukieXx
-Meanwhile, y/n is on her healing journey. She reconnects with her family (maybe natalie) and tries to live outside the mansion abit. Also maybe staying with her grandparents for a bit to regain some of her mental strength and sorting out her memories. Her grandparents try to make he life as comfortable as possible.
-still some effects of the trauma shine through. Intensive cleaning, make-up to Cover her scars, only wearing long sleeved clothing. Maybe this should be shown subtle. (I am in no shape or form a psychiatrist but i have my fair share of trauma so i understand some of the actions i am describing here. Still everybody lives through trauma on their own and not everyone has had the same circumstances or happanings so please dont come after me:)). The subtle ways of her behaviour could not be noticable to everyone and herself atfirst and that is the scary part. It changes you without you being in control. A minor Detail changes in her surroundings and y/n has a Panik attack.
-here comes Natalie into play: she gets in contact with y/n and they talk. Natalie has lived through the constant abuse far longer then y/n and could help her dealing with her situation. They meet up for Coffee and she helps getting y/n go outside more. Natalie could be a big part in y/ns healing journy. Also a big part in the story (the suggestions i made in the earlier proposal).
-Through sally or y/n though the entity could grab hold of the pastas location. Even finding the weakest to use. Hoodie. Hoodie is fighting with the entity in his head, fighting over cotrol of his body. Masky will be trying to help him but it seems noone really can. Except maybe just maybe a normal mortal being called nathan (yes i like their little love story right now and i dont care what the others say hehe. So i like it dramatic who cares?). In the end nathan offers to make a Deal with the entity to save hoodie but it could cost him something?
-5-
xXYuukieXx
------> Main story <------
-After finding y/n life settles for a tiny bit but not for long. Hoodie is getting weaker by the day and sallys sudden outburst and paranoia have made some of the pastas uneasy.
-Y/n is first kept under lock and key but after a while she asks the pastas to see her family. The pastas and nathan (who has to pull some strings at the police staion) make up a plausible explanation for y/ns sudden revival.
-the explanation goes as follows: she was kidnapped by a human trafficing Ring and they had a dead girl looking like y/n who they exchanged her with before she was found by the police. Jane and her cousin where in on that and helped the Ring traffik her. Y/n was then, falsly, burried.
-most of the people in town bought it because of the evidence with the gentlemens Club. (You could also say that the grave robbers have unearthed the grave and they 'found' further evidence when the checked the 'body' for DNA of the robbers but they actually 'found out' that the DNA was not matching with y/ns. Also as evidence presented to the public)
-slenderman on the other hand did not return to the mansion at first as he feels a known and dangerous presence near them. He is out searching for evidence of said presence. This also impacts hoodie alot.
-4-
