xiaoven-

*nose scrunch* im not sure if you’re gonna see this but if you do i dont expect any replies i dont expect any reach outs but if you do want to spare your precious time reading this, read this until the very last sentence. i just really dont want to leave you hanging and lost, you deserve an explanation :D 
          
          im so sorry, for every pain i cause you. one apology wouldn’t be enough, i know that very well. i’ll make it up to you, you name it. because im sorry, i really do. 
          
          all my life, i’ve been thinking too much about people around me. about what they think, about how they feel— but not once i think about how i feel. and i realize that i lack nothing but myself. i lose myself, pear.  it was so hard, to contains all of these thoughts in a jar that i built my whole life. it scattered just like that. and finally i think it’s not wrong for me to actually think about myself for once and build my jar of thoughts again.

xiaoven-

this message may be offensive 
i still love you as much as i do five months ago, one year ago. i maybe lose myself several times because how fucking stupid and weak i am. i maybe could never be enough for this world, or even for you. but im trying, so hard. because i wanted to be the kak esa you can always rely to, you can always trust. 
            
            but im no longer standing besides you, so at least i can relax and sit for a bit now. i can continue being enough for the world tomorrow, or the day after, a week after. 
            
            and by this i sent, i hope you’re happier today cause i miss you. 
            
            yours truly, 
            aresha.
            
            p.s :: if you do have any assumptions about why did i leave, i can assure you 100% that it is not true because i explained every last bit to the letter. very well, then! bye <3
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xiaoven-

im a good girl, ive never been selfish— and you are the last person that i want to leave. i regretted everything, all the days passed. because again, i failed you. 
            
            this is not what you wanted from me, i don’t even know that this is me. i can’t even tell if i’m being me. 
            
            on top of all that, i know you hate me. you have all the right to do so. you can block me after this, but i just think you should really know how was it from my version— so that you wouldn’t think i’ve changed. because it’s been five months and i don’t think a thing has changed.
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xiaoven-

seventeenth of february two thousand and twenty one, was the day that marked our very last direct interaction. we were calling that night we spoke of many things, fools and kings. i never felt more loved, you know. and i thought “i don’t want to lose this.” i don’t want to lose you. but i already lose me. 
            
            i questioned my worth all over again. whether it really is a good choice to stay, or should i take the big part and leave. 
            
            its not easy, leaving you. i never said it was. 
            
            i sum things quickly and just left like that, finally thinking about what i actually want to do. but i fail to realize what do you want to do.
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