JadaClove

I'm back after my long as breakI hope I was missed

JadaClove

this message may be offensive 
Rant: I just need to get this out, I'm so dang tired, I don't know what to do, the voices in my head won't fucking shut up and I just wanna tell someone but, you see I have this prosona, this prosona was once me as a child when I was younger and happy but as I grew up that happiness just when away, so I covered it up with a childish personality, I make jokes on my mental health, and I don't know what to do. I scared to talk to my friends and family about it, caus elast time I did, they took it as a, 'joke'... And even though I insisted it wasn't they still saw it as one... So I had to pretend that every thing was alright, not to mention my parents constant fights and high Expectations are not helping, not to mention my true friends, are either dead or going through these things and I don't want to make them feel worse, not to mention constantly having to comfort my friends and family and make sure they are happy is just making it worse, I don't know what to do... I'm gettingess and less sleep, I sleep for like 2 to 3 hours, I eat one meal a day and when I eat more than one meal, I just end up throwing it up later, I reLly don't know who I can talk about this too, so I guess that's why I'm ranting through a screen... I just want this all to end, I'm capable of feeling joy but never happiness, most of the time it's just me acting in the character I wish to me the old me the me that felt on top of the world... The me who could say, 'I love you! ' without questioning if it's true or not, the old me is the me I wish to be but I know I can't be anymore... But this new me is so fake, I can't even tell my true friends my family or anyone who loves me, 'I love you! ' "I care" "you are special", without feeling like I'm just lieing to them. I don't k ow what to do anymore...