Have you ever fallen into a routine; One where you hate every minute of your days but you do not know how to break it? Those days where all you want to do is sleep, and honestly just cry. Those days when hating yourself so much that you can not even point out a single reason why; you just hate your entire existence. And it is not that your suicidal or depressed, it is just you drowning in your own self-hatred. And you are no longer affected by the phobias in your life. When you begin to crave those moments when you are suffocating in the hallways of school because you feel anything other than self-hatred. When you crave those moments when you feel your fist hitting something it probably should not; or as you feel all that hatred being released in the force of your flying fist. But the worst part? That moment when you have let go of all that anger on that poor object, that moment that you feel so drained, so empty because all you remember feeling is anger and you simply can not wait to feel that anger again because it's better than whatever you feel afterward; It is a never ending cycle. That is my routine.