"Being alone has a power that very few people an handle."

At first, before my high school days, I was alone. But I feel happiness. But after I moved to another school, I didn't just feel loneliness. I feel sadness and rejection, being abandoned by class.

After everything that happened, I just suddenly shut down as a program, not knowing what was happening and just follow orders. I don't know what to do, what to think and what to feel.

I am no more than a closed program.

Tanga
Bobo
Engot
Walang Common Sense
Disturbance
Nakakainis
Nakakairitate
Walang temper

Those words... Are the words that closed me, offended me, embedded in me and killed me. I always hear that. They're all talking at my back. I can handle it. I don't care about it. But inside, I'm hurt and hunted down to every bone and blood.

"I deserve someone who actually gives a fuck about me because I've spent my entire life making other people happy when all they did was leave."

In my whole life, that is what I am doing. Then I realized that happiness won't make friends. I love to have friends. They complete my life, but I suddenly realized that I am no friend of theirs. I have no right to have friends. 

"I want to be lonely, but I don't want to feel lonely.
I like being myself, but I want someone to hold me.
I don't want to be sad, but it's so damn hard to be happy."

I want a true friend.

"A true friend is someone who sees the pain in your eyes while everyone else believes your smile."

It is so damn hard.

"I'm sick of crying.
I'm tired of trying.
Yeah, I'm smiling, 
But inside, I'm dying."

And you know what,

"The bravest thing I ever did in my life is continuing it when I wanted to die.