(Posting here because wattpad is being a douche and won't let me post on the story)
I think your start is really interesting and thought provoking. One critique is that you should use paragraphs more to make it easier and much less jumbled to read! The effect of one line paragraphs, short and long may add much more of a resounding effect!
i.e:
I was once told that if I looked up and strained my eyes enough, I would be able to see the universe. I never quite knew what it meant, until all of a sudden, my mind began to process things in a sort of different way.
Now I can't remember how things used to be; only what they are now.
That's the funny thing about memory....
See how it creates more of a dramatic effect? Try playing around with your paragraphs and sentences!
- Sara. :D
