JazzIsHuman

I don't know how I feel right now... I have tried to have a conversation with myself, just to reflect on how I feel and I feel... Nothing really. It's that hollow feeling that's just creeping up my back and down my throat and it's trying to suffercate me but I'm already not breathing... Its hard to explain, so I try using metaphors that just end up tangled together into a meaningless wordvomit. I don't know how I feel. I feel like throwing up, but I feel empty enough that nothing will come out.
          	
          	I had a conversation with myself and it ended up being the worst I've ever had. I hate this feeling and a headache is approaching...
          	
          	I'm scared, I think. Somewhere, I'm scared.
          	
          	I had a panic attack last Thursday and I went to school the next day, not my best decision. I get a C in music, which is pretty cool but I don't feel the joy.
          	
          	My stomach is turning.
          	
          	I feel like sh*t right now. Just sh*t.
          	
          	Sorry to ramble...
          	
          	Love, Jazz

JazzIsHuman

I don't know how I feel right now... I have tried to have a conversation with myself, just to reflect on how I feel and I feel... Nothing really. It's that hollow feeling that's just creeping up my back and down my throat and it's trying to suffercate me but I'm already not breathing... Its hard to explain, so I try using metaphors that just end up tangled together into a meaningless wordvomit. I don't know how I feel. I feel like throwing up, but I feel empty enough that nothing will come out.
          
          I had a conversation with myself and it ended up being the worst I've ever had. I hate this feeling and a headache is approaching...
          
          I'm scared, I think. Somewhere, I'm scared.
          
          I had a panic attack last Thursday and I went to school the next day, not my best decision. I get a C in music, which is pretty cool but I don't feel the joy.
          
          My stomach is turning.
          
          I feel like sh*t right now. Just sh*t.
          
          Sorry to ramble...
          
          Love, Jazz

JazzIsHuman

I haven't been on in a while. When I opened my app today I found that I had 105 notifications.
          
          I really want to read and answer people's comments on my book "I just want to die" but my App won't let me.
          
          I just wanted to say that I'm sorry that I can't reply to any of the comments, but I want you all to know that I really want to.
          
          I care so much about how others are and it's killing me right now.
          
          Love, as always, Jazz

vanterous

<3 it’s alrighttt
• Reply

JazzIsHuman

Hello! Jazz here.
          
          I just want to say thank you to all of the people who have read, commented or liked one or more of the chapters of "I just want to die"
          
          I'm both happy that others feel like me and then I also wish no one did, but it actually give me a reason to get up and get going.
          
          I'm going to get a little personal; I don't have an official diagnose that diagnoses me as a depressed person, but I think I fit the description of a cynically depressed person. I have been dealing with a wish to just... end it all for a few years now and that's crazy! I'm only 16. Also, on the bright side, I am hereby one step closer to being diagnosed with Autism! 
          
          That's great news, but I don't really feel anything. Currently I am not down in the gutter as I get sometimes, but I'm not feeling 'normal' either. I just feel kinda hollow.
          
          But anyways; to everyone who has shown me support and shared their own thought, please stay strong at least for a little while longer. I feel like if I can just make someone hold on a little longer I have done something amazing. Truly amazing.
          
          So thank you for reading "I just want to die" and for showing me that I'm not that alone.
          
          Love Jazz

Hatsuruchi

@JazzIsHuman 
            You're welcome, and that I feel you too like feeling alone and stuffs we just don't recognize that someone is helping us or is there for us sometimes we just brush them off not caring for them but in the end of the day we'll yearn for their help... Sometimes we don't tell our parents what we feel or going through we need to open up to them to let them help us or else they'll not know how to help us.
• Reply

JazzIsHuman

@Hatsuruchi thank you so much  I know I'm not alone, but it feels like that a lot, but still thank you for even reading this post and thank you for being there for me even if it's only in theory
• Reply

Hatsuruchi

@JazzIsHuman 
            You were never alone, you have your family that cares about you and loves you, there are others that are like you or like us if I might say. 
            
            Being depress doesn't mean we are always like that there are people who will help us but if you can't help yourself then try to help other people then maybe you can help yourself too...
            
            I'll help you anytime so.. Just feel free to message me don't worry I'll reply back no matter if I'm kinda late to respond.
            
            And you're welcome and thank you too, last but not the least.. I didn't know you were older than me and I love your book 'I just want to die' that's all take care!
• Reply

JazzIsHuman

I finally decided to write on this wall-thingy again...
          But I'm a little lost on what to write here...
          I hope every single one of you have a very merry Christmas and that your New Years will be extraordinary!
          I have published the first chapter of a new book, Lone Wolf...
          And...
          I'm going to celebrate Christmas with my mom and New Years with my dad, which is pretty cool...
          So yeah, not much going on, but some surely are...
          Happy Holidays to everyone!