jeffery woods

Most likely something twinny would say:
          I advise you, don’t mess with me or my twinny. I know karate, kung fu, judo, tae kwon do, jujitsu, and 28 other dangerous words

Me: okay, it's alright. I can and will be productive today. 
          Brain: eat some food and watch Netflix 
          Me: wh-what? No why would I- 
          Brain: you gotta

Everyone has good days and bad days, but mine are more like good hours and bad years.

Set in the future:
          My mom: Now that you are an adult what do you want to do with your life
          Me, as an adult: I don't know. I didn't think I'd get this far.

Stalking is such a strong word.
          I prefer “intense research of an individual"

Sometimes when you cry, no one sees your tears.
          Sometimes when you’re worried, no one sees your pain.
          Sometimes when you’re happy, no one sees your smile.
          But fart just one time…

I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented or…
          I forgot were I was going with this.

90% of the ocean remains unexplored and you’re telling me mermaids don’t exist?
          Fuck you!

Fine doesn’t mean fine. The scale goes:
          Great
          Good
          Okay
          Not okay
          I hate you
          Fine

Once when I was little, I claimed it was teachers work day so I wouldn't have to go to school and my mom's not an idiot so of course it didn't work, but when we got to school, we found out it was a teachers work day and that made me think I had superpowers so I started trying to kill classmates with my mind to confirm the theory. I know what some of you are thinking, you thought you had superpowers so you immediately tried to murder everyone. And to that I say is go big or go home!!