JeonRose_1012

Hello, it's been almost 2 years. I just saw that my wattpad is open in browser so I came here. 
          	
          	Life update, I'm an incoming 3rd year college (start: August). Got good grades so far (hopefully until I graduate). My course isn't really what I want—idk what I really want actually—but I'm grateful for being able to study in college. 
          	
          	I'm currently having an OJT/internship at an incorporation as a requirement for our course, tomorrow (Monday) is my 6th day. Gonna have a major project presentation at the end of this OJT training. Hopefully, I'll find something easy to apply Kaizen to. I'm not good at talking but wishing that I'll do great and will be able to answer the department heads' question. 
          	
          	As for my friend group, something changed. One person is out since mid 2025—we had problems about her—but gained 3 more at the same time (already friends with one of my friend from og group). So far, our new group, which consists of 7 person, is great and fun to be with. It's funny that we want to hang out and go somewhere a little far, but we're all low budget, and mostly end up hanging at my house or a mall near our uni. 
          	
          	For now, that's all. Wish me luck for the rest of my college years. ✌️✨

JeonRose_1012

Hello, it's been almost 2 years. I just saw that my wattpad is open in browser so I came here. 
          
          Life update, I'm an incoming 3rd year college (start: August). Got good grades so far (hopefully until I graduate). My course isn't really what I want—idk what I really want actually—but I'm grateful for being able to study in college. 
          
          I'm currently having an OJT/internship at an incorporation as a requirement for our course, tomorrow (Monday) is my 6th day. Gonna have a major project presentation at the end of this OJT training. Hopefully, I'll find something easy to apply Kaizen to. I'm not good at talking but wishing that I'll do great and will be able to answer the department heads' question. 
          
          As for my friend group, something changed. One person is out since mid 2025—we had problems about her—but gained 3 more at the same time (already friends with one of my friend from og group). So far, our new group, which consists of 7 person, is great and fun to be with. It's funny that we want to hang out and go somewhere a little far, but we're all low budget, and mostly end up hanging at my house or a mall near our uni. 
          
          For now, that's all. Wish me luck for the rest of my college years. ✌️✨

JeonRose_1012

Just gonna say it here 'cause I know no one here knows me personally, and that's better..
          
          
          I'm getting VERY scared of own thoughts.. Intrusive thoughts comes often, randomly, suddenly, whatever... I'm scared that I might actually do what I think...
          
          A lot of times, I want to feel the pain, physically, with that red liquid coming out... Weird but when I get wounds cuts I really like watching the red thing comes out and flow down (my own, not others- don't like that, eww).. I guess it's scary and disturbing; I feel the same but I also like it.. 
          
          Wanting to feel that pain, why? idk... Sometimes, no particular reason.. Sometimes when I feel lonely, got jealous of other people being happy (with their friends or whatever reason)... Afraid that the people I thought I'm close with now in school will start distancing to me (is that the correct grammar??).. Most of the people in school are new to me (new school— for college), classes just started a month ago, and my blockmates and I don't know much about each other yet.. and because we had this group activity, I didn't become group mates with the 2 people I think I'm close with because the groups were made by counting... Since they're both sociable, of course it's easy for them to be friends with others... I see that now, they're close with their group mates for the activity.. I'm just afraid that my 2 "friends" will always come with them and leave me.... I'm not sociable, I don't talk a lot, I'm not good at speaking, I'm very boring, so it's not surprising if that happens, especially it already happened to me before...

JeonRose_1012

To my parents tho, idk if it's favoritism or what but I jealous sometimes even if it's jst a small thing...
            
            I'm a middle child, I have an older sibling who just graduated from college and a younger one who's still in 3rd grade (we have a big age gap)...
            
            I feel jealous even with little things like, my siblings' grad pics (college, kindergarten) where displayed but mine (SHS grad pic) is not, just kept in the cabinet... yeah, we only have small space and there really is a very limited space to put pics but still- 
            
            Also food! When my older sibling is not home yet or busy with studies, my mom would keep some food for him even before we start eating ..... And when it's me who's busy with studies, they don't keep food for me, what's left is what I have to eat... 
            
            These are not that bad, but I just feel jealous, feeling that *sometimes* they don't care much about be compared to my siblings... 
            
            I mean, I also understand, my parents are really taking care of my older sibling because he's the oldest.. I believe they also have some expectations from him.. We're not rich, not even in the middle class anymore, I guess our parents are expecting him to have a good career since he's smart, very hardworking, determined, resourceful, etc.. 
            
            And of course they really need to take care of my younger sibling.. she's not even 10 yrs old yet,, not yet matured and still needs some guidance..
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JeonRose_1012

Don't I have someone in my life? I do, my family, but I don't want to be a burden to them as they also have many problems... They're very supportive and let me do things that I want and encourages me to do something new that will help me.. 
            
            
            
            I'm just the type of person who's very reserved, introverted, quiet, insecured, doesn't know how to express feelings, bottles up problems, etc ... I want to improve myself but it's very hard, especially that those intrusive thoughts keep coming when I don't feel good....
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JeonRose_1012

Just earlier yesterday (it's 12:23 am now), there were 2 of my classmates who asked for my help in some subjects as they were a bit confused about our activities.. Well, I'm also not sure about some of my answers.. but the fact that they asked me for help makes me feel happy.. 
          
          Before, I'm the one who always ask for help to explain the topic, but now I'm able to able explain something (our lessons are somehow easy yet a bit confusing, that's why I'm able to help them).. 
          
          idk.. It just makes me happy... 
          
          Maybe because it's really hard for me to get close to others, so I don't really have someone to chat with... And then there are my classmates who asked for my help even though we're not that close yet.. 
          
          
          ★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★
          
          
          OHHH HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!! ❤️❤️❤️

JeonRose_1012

╔════════════◄••❀••►════════════╗
          HAPPY 11TH ANNIVERSARY TO MY LOVELY MEN, 
                                            ✨BTS✨
          ╚════════════◄••❀••►════════════╝

JeonRose_1012

I only took ONE college entrance exam, and I kinda regret it.. 
          
          The result of the exam will be announced on Saturday (June 15) and I'm very nervous. 
          
          I saw in the internet that the passing score for the exam is 110/150 points... When we took it, we only have 1 hr 15 mins to answer the 150 questions,.. For around 50+ questions, I just tried to guess them (⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠)
          
          I really really hope that I have luck to pass the exam.. If passed, there will be an interview to know if they really deserve to be one of the students there...
          
          Huhu please please please please!!! Lord, Let me pass the exam (and the interview) ಥ⁠‿⁠ಥ

JeonRose_1012

And about sa college, they have conditions for reconsidered students.. If may bagsak at least 1 subject sa 1st Sem, tanggal agad... If this happens, mapapatigil talaga ako ng pag-aaral.. 1st Sem Ing talaga ang pinakakailangan kong alalahanin, ksi if napasa nmn 'to, okay na, magiging normal na.. the condition won't be valid anymore since 1st Sem Ing nmn nakalagay dun..
            
            Plus, I don't wanna be expelled since I'm enjoying my time in college so far; my classmates, the orgs, committees, etc... Also, I don't wanna make my parents suffer or have more problem because of me.. I don't wanna disappoint them (ಥ⁠╭⁠╮⁠ಥ)
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JeonRose_1012

Well, reconsidered nmn sa college na pinag-examan ko (nakakahiya mang sabihin)... 
            
            Sa isang scholarship na sinubukan kong kunin, di rin nakuha.... Next month, may isa pa akong susubukan, hopefully makuha ko na khit di kalakihan ang allowance from them compared sa mga naunang scholarship.
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JeonRose_1012

Pls- sa totoo lng wala na talaga akong gana mag-aaral.. Gusto ko na lng matapos lhat
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JeonRose_1012

It's been a while since I used Wattpad... I just came back to let out my thoughts now...
          
          So many regrets and what if's are running around my mind right now... 
          
          The results for the college admission test for a famous university will be released later... The thing is, I wasn't able to take that exam... 
          
          My older brother encouraged me to take it but I was hesitant about it because they're very strict with grades and I'm not really confident... Another thing that made me hesitant is my brother... He also took the test in 2017 or 2018, but he didn't passed it.. Like, he's very smart and very dedicated about it. He even took a class that practices you for that specific test.. While me,I don't believe I'm smart enough for that university.. I have good grades but my knowledge is not enough,, I easily forget the lessons we tackled, like sometimes whatever study I do, I just can't remember everything.. That made me unmotivated and not study as much as I do before.. I'm thinking that what's the use of studying so hard when I won't be able to remember everything .
          
          Back to the topic,, I was hesitant but  thought of trying so I filled-up a request form for the requirements needed to be submitted for the test, and put it in the box just outside the registrar's office where the forms should be placed... But after a month/weeks, until near the scheduled date of test, I didn't received any of what I requested... I was very confused why I didn't get any, while others got theirs.. but I couldn't do anything about that time since it was almost test day, and the requested forms takes some days to be accomplished by the registrar..

JeonRose_1012

I'm sure later, when I get to school, I would feel left out cuz I think I'm the only one who didn't take the test, among our class...
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JeonRose_1012

So the total scores are 60% from the test and 40% for the grade during 7th-11th grade .. 
            
            Damn- for the grade, I think it's really possible I that I can pass even if my general grades are usually just 92 (96 in two school year).. this makes feel more regretful ... I hate it!!! .⁠·⁠´⁠¯⁠`⁠(⁠>⁠▂⁠<⁠)⁠´⁠¯⁠`⁠·⁠.
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JeonRose_1012

Pls- I feel so regretful right now... Like, what if I can pass the test even if it's only  because of luck... 
            
            Knowing that one of my two classmates I mentioned had passed the test, then probably most of other classmates had passed it as well... It's possible that I'm the only one who won't be attending that university among our class...
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JeonRose_1012

Congratulations to the MISS UNIVERSE 2023, Miss Nicaragua, Sheynnis Palacios!!
          
          Congrats also the the: 
          1st Runner-up: Miss Thailand, Anntonia Porsild 
          2nd Runner-up: Miss Australia, Moraya Wilson
          
          Including the other contestants, y'all did so great, and still, congratulations to everyone!!!!

JeonRose_1012

I'm very late to the news but... MISS PHILIPPINES IS IN THE TOP 5, INSTEAD OF MISS THAILAND?!?!?! 
            
            I'm a bit upset about that, like- Ms. Universe is such an important event for us.. and the fact that there was still a chance that Miss Philippines will win if they announced it correctly!!!!! If I remember correctly, there's a break after announcing the Top 5... They should have corrected it after the break!!!
            
            Miss Thailand deserves her title, but it's a fact that she wouldn't have that if they announced the top 5 correctly... 
            
            It's just disappointing and upsetting..
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JeonRose_1012

Miss Universe Philippines 2023, Michelle Dee..
          
          We are very sad that you're not part of the Top 5.. 
          
          But YOU did a VERY GREAT JOB representing our country, Philippines!!! Thank you very much for that!!
          
          
          Well, Good luck to the Top 5!!
          
          • Miss Universe Australia, 
          • Miss Universe Puerto Rico, 
          • Miss Universe Nicaragua, 
          • Miss Universe Thailand, and 
          • Miss Universe Columbia

JeonRose_1012

Now, I think, either Miss Thailand or Miss Nicaragua will be the Miss Universe 2023... Not saying that Miss Australia is not good or not deserving, but based on their answers, I like the other two's answers more.. just my opinion..
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JeonRose_1012

Congratulations to the Top 3!!
            
            • Miss Universe Thailand 2023
            • Miss Universe Australia 2023
            • Miss Universe Nicaragua 2023
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JeonRose_1012

Putang ina!! 
          
          Hinay-hinay naman sa pagbibigay samin ng school activities sa CPAR!! 
          
          Just because you're in your maternity leave, you're gonna give so many activities..
          
          Pls- it's okay to give us 2-4 activities a week if it's very easy, but if they're something we really need to prepare for, one may do already... Instead, you gave us two- TWO!! 
          
          How can we do and prepare for it properly if the deadline is within the same week, plus you only gave the instruction for the first group activity yesterday, and the first individual activity just now‽‽‽‽
          
          And you're saying, there are more activities to come? Ohh pls- we're just humans as well, not robots who can finish whatever you want/give instantly..

JeonRose_1012

Just to be clear... I'm not against you about having the maternity leave, because that's really important and needed for the sake of your and your baby's health...
            
            I'm just upset that you give too many activities, with deadline that's very short... We really need you to extend the deadline... Your subject is not the only one we have, cuz we have 8 more... We need more time to practice for your given activities..
            
            For the individual activity, I can just do it in 1-2 days before deadline even if it requires writing spoken word poetry and practicing for it.. idk anymore what output I'll be able to give... But for the group activity, it's harder as we need to prepare more for it...
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JeonRose_1012

Ohh and also, there are some classmates of mine, and from other sections, whose gonna take entrance examination tomorrow, and next weekend for some certain universities... They have to study as well, not having much time for that fvking group activity..
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JeonRose_1012

Ohh wow, now you just said that the presentation of the group activity is on Monday‽ 
            
            Girl- just like I said, how can we properly prepare for it?? Like, it's weekend, it's supposed to be rest day and family day.. AND IT'S ALREADY SATURDAY NIGHT Y'KNOW!!
            
            I get it, we have to memorize the given poem, that's easy, and recite.. but as a group, we still have to prepare this and that to have a good performance, to have a good great.... 
            
            And if we aren't that prepared, the substitute teacher will gonna say we didn't give much effort ತ⁠_⁠ತ ... What do you expect, give an excellent performance without having enough time for preparation and practice?? You must be kidding me...
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