Thetavernbookclub
Hi, I noticed that recently you looked at my book Romance and a shot of espresso. You left some comments there and I really appreciate it because that book I previously was thinking of permanently unpublishing. If you could give me feedback on anything in the book that would be great for when I edit it soon. Have a wonderful day. ✨
JeqalJeqal
Okay, so I had to fly home due to a family emergency and caught an upper respiratory infection. I revisited your story and I just can’t get past her entitlement of believing she has two men (who are both engaged to be married. One is engaged to a former roommate who was friendly — no annoying personality does not dismiss her as someone to be betrayed). It just loses me. The more you write the better it will get.
The writing does move the story along. The content is a miss for me. I wound out looking at the other types of books and noted that you seem interested in a villain’s point of view. I guess if this coffee lady is a villain then the story makes more sense. It’s just not the type of story I gravitate towards…. Unless they’re trainwrecks, which this story is not.
The two men are likewise not likeable characters. They both are wishy washy and unreliable.
This is my opinion, there may be a niche for this story.
I’d definitely work on your title and tag neither of which will attract your target audience.
If you ever write a hero/ heroine romance. I’m here for that read
I wish you luck and good fortune. You have done the one requirement that Neil Gaiman has required of a successful writer—you write.
KOKO
JeqalJeqal
I’ll revisit it. I wasn’t sure what she had a choice of. I needed a third option.
Both men are engaged. Neither have expressed an interest in her.
Turning down a large venue where she could network and possibly grow her business seemed odd.
I don’t call a person I’ve never been physical with a boyfriend. I call them a friend. I don’t think a friend can leave you for another woman. They can choose to be with someone they want a relationship with that includes physical. Now he’s engaged. People do drift away when they’re in relationships. That’s life.
With this guy as a template was Marcus also a non physical ‘boyfriend’ who wound up ghosting her and dating other women.
It’s been five years she really needs to move on.
Option 3 would be a fully functional adult male who lets her know what he wants. The non triangle triangle with guests was confusing. The conflict for me is: why is she not seeing this for what it is and move on. Why are her girlfriends in the same loop as her?
I guess I need a reason for this to not be abnormal.
5 years is a long time to pine for someone who ignored you, has moved on, and has his own issues.
The ex roommate seems to be the catalyst and maybe the only one who knows what’s going on.
I’ll have to see the tags you used. I’m not sure why I found it.
Thanks for asking my feedback. I’ll be driving tomorrow to visit family so be patient. In the meantime if you want to ask specific questions. I’ll give feedback but maybe it’s not your book but your tags.
From what I’ve read so far I’m not sure where it fits. Women reading romance generally don’t want the lead going after men who are taken.
Maybe this is more literary in tone and explores the inner workings of a woman who is frittering away her youth, but is also successful. It’s almost like a coming of age story except she’s fully adult and out of university for some time.
