JerriAubry

@ClaireTslove ok on page 1 the paragraph that says, "full forced" if it says "full force" it will flow better. On same page when you enter the paragraph that starts with the flashback it sounds like you are in the house and was confusing. Might sound better coming from you coming into it or start from coming home to find them. 
          	
          	Page 2 "In charged" change to "in charge" instead so it flows. Some paragraphs are much longer than others and it bogs the reader down and it doesn't match the rest of the paragraphs. You might be able to help the reader's eyes follow and keep the story fluid by breaking them up.
          	
          	Same page the paragraph with "Elderlies..." you mention the first spagent attack but then abandoned your thought. Elaborate about this attack before moving onto Reina. Also is your altar ego Reina? If so mention it like put her name in after altar ego. Also same page when you speak of Reina sneaking up on you. It sounds like she is alone but I thought she was with the group. Then you are all in the line together before you all bolted. That was it. I hope the information is helpful for you. Good job with your story I like it.

njgreenfield

Hey thanks for the follow!
          
          I see you have a lot of works! Which one should I check out first?
          
          In return, perhaps your love of poetry and writing could guide you to have a look at my short story Persephone and let me know what you think?
          
          It does use the term 'to go mad' right at the start which, considering your experience working with disadvantaged people you might consider a little insensitive. But I can assure you it is used purely for the means of storytelling. 
          
          Thanks in advance!