this message may be offensive
I can't sleep
I can't sleep with what I've done today I don't deserve it I don't deserve to be loved anymore not from today.... I complain about what people say to me. But I can be worse than them. To someone who tries to help me when I need them.... I've brought people down. The one person who always is there for me I put her down I can't live with it. I'm a monster. All she tries to do is help me and others but why help someone who is just gonna throw it in someone's face? that's what I did and I can't deal with that guilt. I left her when she couldn't breath I hurt her and not just emotionally... I never meant any of this I'm in fucking tears. I can't live with what I've said and done today.... I failed the one person that I thought I'd never fail. I don't deserve love. I don't deserve people who are there for me. I don't deserve forgiveness and that's what she did. She forgave me and I don't deserve it and I feel more guilty than I already am. I just can't be sorry enough. I can't be sorry enough for what I've done and today I tried to act it all with a smile to everyone else. I don't even deserve a shoulder to cry on I don't deserve it. I wish I wasn't so fucking heartless especially to the people who love me. If anything happened I couldn't live with myself I would end everything. I'm sorry to anyone and everyone I've hurt in the past or recent I don't deserve them. I don't deserve anyone. I'm not looking for pity because that's the last thing I never want and need I deserve that shit or need that shit but I needed to let my heart out somehow, surprised I have one with how I act to everyone. I'm sorry.......