I may have read trash with this account, but I'll never delete it. Without my old self I wouldn't have discovered BTS nor would I have ever loved and tried to understand someone as I did for them. They came into my life unexpectedly and became a great part of my teens years that I will treasure forever. In a sense, they gave me life. They made me passionate, made me want, and like, and feel excited about life. They gave me a fandom to belong to, people to look up to, soulful lyrics and millions of laughs. I'm eternally grateful to myself for falling in love with them and to them for just being... there. They say "You don't find them. They come into your life when you need them the most". And for a long time I wished that'd have happened to me. I mourned the sad, beautiful story I never had with them, but actually, they did change my life. They gave a lot to my teen heart and I love them so fucking much. Since two years ago or something like that I have been disconnecting from Kpop in general, and I started to feel detached even from BTS. That even developed gradually in me feeling kind of a stranger to kpop and BTS and my old self, sometimes even feeling embarrassed for having been a part of the fandom and for having loved them so much. It's been a long and confusing journey about finding myself and loving myself, and I'm still not quite there -I didn't even think I'd actually experience something like that. Yeah, I loved that concept of LY, that was the first era I went through as an army, but I struggled a lot with my image and didn't feel ready to actually love myself. Anyway, today I've been watching a lot of reactions to BTS (differently alike), and it revived my love for BTS. Reaction videos always make me remember how much I truly love them despite all the cringe I did back them and how much they inspire and make me feel like I can also make it. They make me so happy it's crazy. Just seeing them makes me smile. I really missed this.