Where have you been all my life?

....probably at the doctors office finding out that I gave you Herpes or was it Clamydia

...........

In a sex store a guy asks for an inflatable doll. 

Seller- "would you like a regular one? Or one with artificial intelligence?"

Guy- "with artificial intelligence."
 
The next day the same guy walks in.

Guy- "please change it to the regular one..."

Seller- "why?"

Guy- "she didn't give it to me"

..........

Some random facts I find really fucking funny or weird-


-Banging your head against the wall burns 150 calories an hour 

-in the UK, it's illegal to eat mince pies on Christmas Day

-Pteronophobia is the fear of being tickled by feathers 

-when hippos are upset they're sweat turns red

-a flock of crows is known as a murder

-"Facebook Addiction Disorder" is a mental disorder identified by psychologists 

-the average woman uses her height in lipstick every five years

-29th May is officially "Put a Pillow on Your Fridge Day"

-Cherophobia is the fear of fun

-Billy goats urinate on their heads to smell more attractive for females


Ha! I'll bet in the time you've finished to read those facts someone has already tried to lose weight by banging their head against the wall. You probably didn't lose a lot of weight but, I know for a fact you lost a lot of brain cells, not that you had that many to begin 
 #PresidentTrump
........

America you suck! I'm moving to Finland and I'm never coming back because, I know in like a month or two everybody will be wearing bleached raccoons on their heads and they'll be rubbing themselves in Dorito dust and the countries name will be changed to Trump nation or some dumb shit like that.

Peace out bitches!