@JragonJanet
Heeeelllo there, my friend. :) You have kindly asked me to read your story, and I did. I promised to give my complete honest reply, and I will. Brace yourself!
I can't say I love it, but I do love your vocabulary. As my English teacher would say, "You deserve a cookie!" So, yeah.
When I first started reading, I found the first chapter pretty dull and flat. I don't want to say boring, because the idea of living in two bodies is interesting. How do I find it flat and boring? Well, you're not really describing what Katrina is thinking or feeling, how she looks like, what does she like, hate, etc. When you wrote about her school day, you mentioned her teacher. And that's it. Nothing else. It's kinda like saying "Oh look, there's cereal in the cereal aisle"
What KIND of cereal? Coco Puffs? Pops? Lucky Charms?
The story could be improved if you could gave personalities to the characters in the story.
It's also pretty fast-paced. Jumping from one thing to another. If you ask 'why' since you write a lot of words, the answer is simple.
Too much!
You have good words and sentences, but there is no topic to grasp. Therefore, it is dull. It's like reading out of a history textbook. No offense. :S
The way the story is written, it seems like you're TELLING us what's going on, not showing. If it's in Katrina's P.O.V, elaborate on what she's thinking. Imagine as if you were there and it is happening right in front of you.
I noticed that you overuse some words. Some words like "was" "has" "is" "were" etc.
Instead of using those, replace it with verbs.
EXAMPLE: I was frustrated and grit my teeth.
IMPROVED: Frustrated, I grit my teeth.
'Was' makes it seem past tense. However, it is used for that purpose.
__
Weeeell, that was a lot. I'm sorry if I sound too harsh, but hey! It'll help. :)
Now some good things! I really like the concept of having two sides of yourself. This story has potential. AND I LOVE YOUR VOCAB. <3 *SQUEAL*
Happy writing!
-SC-
