Jsttryingtosurvive

So, I finished iron flame last night, and let me tell you, im still bawling
          I cant say why because I dont want to spoil but ughhhhhh its so good but so sad

Heyyy I'm Courtney. I just wanted to say THANK YOU for reading my books. It means alot to me that you've enjoyed it so much. And I appreciate the comments! Thank you soooo much ♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎

I miss
          I miss the world of reading
          I miss the kingdom where kai and pae fell in love
          I miss the daggers to the throat
          I miss the happiness they had when around each other
          I even miss the stupid king who killed paes father
          Ok thats a lie 
          But I do miss the poppies
          I miss forget me nots
          I miss pink roses
          I miss adena
          I miss lemon tarts and butterscotch 
          I miss blueberries in porridge 
          I miss the sweet comforting after night mares about each other
          I miss bitchy blair
          I miss it all
          I miss my books
          I miss powerless even though I just read it 
          I miss kai azer
          I miss shrieking when kai and pae have a cute moment
          I miss it all
          I miss

This one's about paedyn from powerless. Sorry if you havnt read it, there are a few tiny spoilers.
          
          I must run
          Run until Im caught
          Run until im lying on the ground, killed by my true love
          Run until I see those emerald green eyes coming for revenge
          I must Run
          Run until i collapse
          Run until I starve
          Run until forever
          I must Run
          But why?
          Why
          Why do I Run
          Run from something I did
          Run from my best friend, now dead 
          Run from my future killer
          Run from the enforcer
          Because I killed
          I became a murder
          I will Run
          Away from my dead best friend
          Just like I did my father
          And like I will with ever other person I kill
          And he will bury them
          Bury them because he knows I can't 
          Bury them because im too busy running from him
          I will Run
          Until
          My 
          Unavoidable 
          Imminent 
          Death
          So I will Run
          Run as fast as I can
          Run as far as I can
          From all of them
          From my kingdom
          From the king who i killed
          From the love of my life
          I must Run
          And so I will
          Who am i?

Hey guys, its been a while, I can no longer publish anything right now, due to access to a computer, but I can post them in conversation, so thats exactly what im going to do.
          Blood
          It slowly flows from where my wrist has been cut
          The warm liquid bringing calmness
          But at the same time
          Anxiety
          The dark red beauty of it mesmerizing me in the moment
          But then I feel it
          The pain right after
          The one I brought towards my body on purpose 
          Because Im still broken
          I thought I was done
          But I guess not
          It got too much to handle
          I should have been stronger
          But its fine
          Because it reminded me im human
          Human enough to feel pain
          And to bleed
          But not human enough to always be happy 
          Not human enough to see the good things instead of bad things
          Not human enough
          So Blood may bring me calmness
          But it brings dozens of other emotions with it
          The Blood I put there
          On
          Purpose
          Blood

Hurt
          You hurt me
          Kicked me as hard as you can
          That is wrong
          But maybe you got your anger from me
          Or your temper
          If so, im sorry
          But either way
          You hurt me
          All
          Because
          Of a
          Lipgloss
          How silly
          Or maybe not
          Thats up to you
          But mom didn't even care 
          She yelled at me
          Because I was looking for the lipgloss in your room
          Which makes no sense
          Because you hurt me
          But whatever I guess
          But you hurt me
          Hurt me to the point where I couldn't breathe properly 
          I was on the floor
          Crying
          Screaming
          In pain
          "Your being overdramatic"
          Thats what my mom said
          Bitch
          Shut up because you have no clue what was happening
          Oops, sorry for cursing
          No im not
          But whatever
          My sister hurt me today
          But im stronger
          Im standing now
          Im breathing 
          Im alive
          Sure doesnt feel like it
          But I am 
          So I guess thats what matters
          
          
          New poem!

Alone 
          I am alone
          I dont know why
          Maybe its the summer
          This summer feels long already 
          Im only a little over a week in
          And im bored
          I want to go somewhere
          My camps arnt for a while
          So im just sitting here 
          Waiting
          Waiting to see my bestfriend
          Waiting to see the person I talk to everyday about my feelings
          Waiting to borrow a poetry book from that person 
          Waiting to see my aunt I wont see till fall break
          Waiting to see my grandpa I wont see until next Saturday 
          Im just waiting
          Waiting for the day im able to go swimming whenever I want
          I need to stop waiting
          Because if I continue waiting and not speaking up about what I want to do
          Then this will be a very boring summer 
          Im alone because I havnt made plans
          Im alone because i wont let people into my life
          Im alone because I have chosen to rot in bed watching Grey's anatomy and avoiding all of my problems
          That is what I am doing
          I shouldn't be waiting or alone
          I should be making plans
          I should be asking to go places
          I should
          But I dont know why I wont
          Thats the one thing im not sure of right now
          But I do know that I am alone

Hey yall. My publishing has come to a stop for a while. I no longer have access to a computer that I am able to use so I can no longer post. But, I can put my poems in these announcements. Some might need to be split up because of how long they are but thats fine. Unfortunately you can not vote though. Let me know if this is something yall want me to do!

Hey gurl I'm bored, do you think I could make a cover for your books? Like if you just send me inspo I can draw/create covers. ??? 

Hey yall! So sorry its been so long since ive posted... I was going thru a lot.. finals, my bf broke up with me for no reason rly, and honestly im jst repeatedly been reminded of how much my parents hate me. So ive jst been trying to survive my own thoughts and feelings, but now that the school year is over, I have no idea what's in store for me. 
          UPDATES:
          June 7-20 I will not be posting because I am doing 2 week long campouts with my troop. 
          My Chromebook is acting up so idk how much im gonna be able to post still
          Anyway, that's all for now! I love yall so very much and remember to stay strong and hold on to the best things in your life!!!