JuliaPetsche

The fact I haven't written in here over a year

I dont understand what I did wrong?!?!

It hurts bro, my mom took away everything I've been saving up for about a year, my dad is dieing in front of me and everyday it gets closer and closer to the time, my friend is being abused and I cant do anything about it, they say I'm being dramatic, I am dissocating so badly. I'm having PTSD flashbacks everyday now and I fucking hate it. It's never been this bad before, I barely know where I am or why I'm here I just dont understand, starting to plan things even tho I dont have anything, I eating so much and it's a good thing but its killing me inside, I need control back, I you ana please your my friend please I need you back. I dont know what to do anymore, it hurts it hurts way beyond anyone could ever ever understand. Pleaze understand that I can't do this anymore pleaze try and understand that. I dont care if it hurts you, do u even care that it hurts so badly, I cant bare to even look at mysf or think it hurts to breathe. I hurt everyone around me, I'm sorry I pushed you away, I miss you dearly and am so so guilty for rejecting you. It hurts so badly knowing we were okah and I pushed you away and now well idk, I can feel my time coming soon, I don't know when and I dont know how but just soon xxx

I'm losing this battle

I dont understand honestly how this world can be so damn fucked up. I'm trying to understand here. I'm trying to keep going but everything is falling apart. I'm struggling and I'm they say I'm going inpatient for my ed here soon and maybe I believe it but I rly dont know. That is the last thing I want to get help for. I dont want fucking help with that, when I finally am starting to get on track again THEN they want to send me inpatient like fuck all of you. Ugh I need this to stop.

          Yee