Helia/Ray

Gotta keep going 

I'm so fucking tired, I'm too mentally exhausted to do anything, even reading and scrolling on tik tok, I don't know how much I can DK his anymore, this never ending cycle is too much, I'm too tired, I don't know how long I can go anymore until I completely give up 

Fuck em and him and whoever else, I'm gonna try and be better for me and this girl, I'm sorry I couldn't be better for you but that doesn't mean I can't try being better for her, I hope I will succeed, who knows what will happen, but I'm willing to try and see where things go

If there's a chance I'll end up with him, I'll take it

Nope, nu uh, I ain't making the same mistake again, I respect that you didn't want to tell me ,, happy birthday" or whatever but genuinely fuck you, I don't want you back, and I don't want anything to do with you but a simple ,, happy birthday, don't reply to this" would've at least showed that at one point I mattered, just this year, I wanted this day to end knowing that you at least remembered my birthday is today, and what pisses me off more is that he didn't remember, online friend my ass, the other people who I'd know for less than a week knew to tell me ,, happy birthday" so fuck both of you, I wish I never have to come across either of you, I hate you, I hate how much I loved you and I hate that I couldn't be the one for you, I'm blaming the alcohol for this shit

I deleted so many things I've said in here damn, but rn I'm just disappointed in someone that didn't tell me ,, happy birthday" not you because it was expected, I am moving on but I really would've appreciated a simple ,, happy birthday" could've added ,, don't reply to this" and I mean I probably wouldn't have replied either way, I just hope I don't end up doing a bad, tipsy decision like always, if I do end up reaching out I apologise and go ahead and block me, there we're messages trying to explain my shit but I mean, the main idea is ,,the problem isn't that you'd world stopped revolving around me, the actual problem was that my world didn't stop revolving around you, and that had to stop", wish you the best sunflower, always and forever here if anything, I love being able to say shit knowing nobody is gonna use it against me

So far so good 

I love caffeine 

Oh how I love my genes, they be making me hot asf

Maybe this will work or maybe it won't, but all I can do is buckle in and make the most out of the journey