Haha it's fine ;) Ok, so I found you because you replied to my comment on another story, and I started reading the Trouble With Keeping Time, which I really liked (and is the reason I followed you :))
I love the plot so far! Also, it's fine. Your punctuation is actually quite good :)
Also (and don't feel like you have to do this) but maybe try separating it into smaller paragraphs to make it easier to read the story?