BJ

So i feel really guilty.
          
          There were probably kids my age who wanted to live but didn't get the chance because of covid. But I got covid and lived. I wanted to die but instead I lived which freaking sucks. I feel like I stole someone's chance at life and it won't go away.
          
          Earlier my step mom said I have to graduate from high school, I am barley getting by in middle school. I zone out of classes. I think about all the times I could have ended it.  
          
          I pick at my hands. I feel annoying. One of my best friends said I want normal, you're not normal. So I feel alone in this weird period in my life.
          
          Why do I feel like ending my life when it barely begun? Like I should be happy I'm alive but I'm not. Whats wrong with me? 
          Anybody got answers for me? Please.
          
          It is 2:14 am I have silently cried for 3 hours and talked to myself like I was talking to a therapist. I have no idea what's wrong with me.

Thanks for the vote! :)

i dyed my hair blonde now I freak myself out when I look at my reflection 

Sorry this is really random but I saw you have an ouat reading list too and I just got excited because none of my few friends have seen the show and I have no one to talk to about it so I just wanted to say hiiii  :D

Okay i know you guys don't care but I do. 
          
          5 years ago today I was in a bad mental state and I was really depressed but then I discovered Wattpad and it let me escape my depressed state. And I eventually got better partial help of the authors in wattpad.

Okay just fished Resident Evil Biohazard. Let me tell you what that did to me...
          
          1. Can't fucking sleep. 
          2. Every sound now makes me jump more than usual.
          3. Made me wonder why the fuck did she call him daddy in the beginning. 
          4. Wonder what the hell is my point of being on this Earth. ( totally not like I do that 24/7)
          5. Made it my favorite Horror game I've played so far.

It fucking sucks to have divorced parents. sometimes it's okay like double christmas or whatever, but when politics come in to play bitch it's a fucking war zone. Our family  just splits down the middle on each side. Like my one aunts and a few great grand and regular grandparents will be democrats on my dads side of the family and my dad side of the family is mostly republican. And then same thing for my mothers side of the family. So this is on of the reasons why i have depression and keep my feelings to myself. Also this was brought up by me going to my dads in 8 days down in Louisiana.

It's my birthday bitches. 13 years of life completed. i think. okay i'll leave now

I just realized that I can't choose between two women some of the books in my library are clexa x oc reader or something. 
          
          
          I think I need help

My Birthday is in 6 days. My mom and I share an amazon account so i get notifications when she buys stuff. Trying to be secret my ass.