ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴀ ɴɪᴄᴇ ᴅᴀʏ︎

The only reason I'm fat is because a tiny body couldn't store all this personality.

The more you weight the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe, eat cake 😋

I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.

If you're not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?

I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

Don't worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.