Kashvir

It's me again with my thoughts. Kitna suffocation ho raha hai i can't even tell. Mai tang aa chuki hu ess life se. Freedom ka liya kyaa kyaa krna pdta hai aur ye bhii nhii pta kbhi vo freedom milega bhii yaa nhiii ( ⚈̥̥̥̥̥́⌢⚈̥̥̥̥̥̀). Now this time, all i want is someone jisko hug krna mai aaram se ro sku, bta sku ki kitna dam ghut raha hai mera yaha ghr me bhi aur ess sharir me bhii. But all i got was loneliness. Ladkiya hona gunha hai aur vo bhi india me toh pucho mt esa acha tum janear bnka paida ho jau. Kyuki tumhari ichaon ki, baatein ki kisi ko koi value nhi hai. Aur agr tum 20+ plus toh congrats you're officially declare bojh vo ye baat bolega nhii ki tum bojh ho lekin tumhe hr tym yaad jrur dilate rhega ki tumhara pass ek saal hai, tumhe toh apna ghr jana hai. Wtf bro you mean by apna ghr ye mera ghr nhi hai jahan me bachpan se paida hui badi hui. I hate how we women don't have our house. It's my dream to build a house, not my parents not my husband, my own house. Jahan koi ye bolna wala nhi ho ki tum toh 1 saal baad chali jaugi yaa fir kuch tym baad chali jaugi. Vo ghr bss mera ghr hoga jahan se mujhe koi nhii nikal ska ga chahe mai vahan ek din rhu yaa sari zindagi. Ek baar pyar me dhokha kha chuki hu vo bhot hai dobara pyar naa krna ka liya ab bss mujhe naukri chahiye aur vo mai leka rhugi isliye nhii ki acha ghr shadi ho jayegi isliye kyuki mujhe meri freedom mil jayegi, isliye ki koi fir mujhe 1 saal ka mehmaan nhi bolega, fir mai kisi ka koi bojh nhii ho gayi.

Ab ke faayda manne rani banaan ka,
          Jab pehle tu manne apni keh na paya.
          Ab ke faayda mere naam ki kahani likhan ka,
          Jab waqt pe tu ek lafz bhi keh na paya.
          Main toh thehri rahi teri raah mein chup-chaap,
          Tu hi tha jo kadam aage badha na paya.
          Ab ke faayda mera Shyam banaan ka,
          Jab tu pehle mera Shiv na ban paya.
          Ab ke faayda yaadan ne itna sajaan ka,
          Jab sach mein tu saath nibha na paya.
          Tu aaj bhi kehta hai ishq tha manne,
          Par ishq tha toh chhod ke kyun gaya?
          Ab ke faayda manne kitaab banaan ka,
          Jab pehle panne pe hi mera zikr na aaya.
          
          Just some random thoughts (*_*)(*_*)

If love was a place
          Toh shayad woh koi sheher nahi,
          Ek veeran sa kona hota
          Jahan main aaj bhi ruk kar tumhe dhoondti hoon.
          Wahan na koi raasta hai, na manzil,
          Bas kuch adhoori si yaadein bikhri hain,
          Jinhe main har roz sametne ki koshish karti hoon
          Par woh har baar phir toot jaati hain.
          Agar mohabbat ek jagah hoti,
          Toh main wahan se kabhi laut kar nahi aati
          Chahe tum wahan ho ya nahi.
          Log kehte hain pyaar sirf chaar lafzon ka hota hai,
          Par mere liye woh kabhi lafz bana hi nahi
          Woh ek jagah tha
          Jahan tum the
          Aur ab sirf main reh gayi hoon.
          
          
          This for someone who is not with me but once promise for forever. Tum chahe aaj ho yaa naa ho life me meri yaadein me hmesha rho ga

Again bhaii hmesha mera sath hi kyu hota hai(+_+)(+_+) . Ek ladka hi toh tha duniya pta nhii kyuu kyuu bhul jati hai aur mai ek ladka bhii bhula paa rhi hu ( ⚈̥̥̥̥̥́⌢⚈̥̥̥̥̥̀)( ⚈̥̥̥̥̥́⌢⚈̥̥̥̥̥̀). Har tym dimag khrab rhta hai naa koi hai jesa sab bta sku jo mujhe samjha meri baat sun naa ki ye bola ki bhaii kyu pgl ho padi hai ek ladka ka piche. How does it feel ki apne apna jeevan ka 21 saal nikal diya lekin ek aesa dost nhii hai jesa sb bta sko f*cking bhaiii nafrat hai mujhe khudse:-(:-(.gussa rona he chez ptaa nhii kya kya ho rha hai. Upar se bhaii vo log aur dimag khrab krna aa jata hai. Itna overreact krta hai hr choti choti baat pe like how juat grow up naa kyaa hr tym childish bacho jesa rehna. How the f*ck I'm supposed to tell you jb tum online hi nhii aata ho =_==_= . Uspe even I say sorry ki but no you have to overreact. Maan krta hai sabko itna suna du ki yaad rkha (+_+)(+_+). But chod mai kon hoti hu unhein suna wali. I know where I stand. I'm nothing in everyone life. Mera hona yaa naa hona nobody cares and that's truth. 

Here comes me again with a lot of thoughts in my mind which are absolutely not good (*_*)(*_*). Like why the f*ck can't I forget that person he is happy without me enjoying his trips and everything and here I'm who just lost herself in all these things ( ⚈̥̥̥̥̥́⌢⚈̥̥̥̥̥̀)( ⚈̥̥̥̥̥́⌢⚈̥̥̥̥̥̀). I miss the time when I'm alone but that doesn't make me feel suffocate I just enjoy my company but now whenever I'm alone it makes me feel so suffocated like koi gala pakad ka bss daba raha hai buri tarah sometimes I just want to cry so much ki rota rota hi jaan nikal jaye toh better hai. I feel like burden my parents deserve a better child than me who is just a loser can't do anything and wasting her time and destroying her future (╯︵╰,)(╯︵╰,). Bhagwaan jii bhi bhot ziddi hai yrr jinhe marna hota hai unhone marta nhii hai aur jinko nhii unhein apna pass bula leta. Koi hai bhii nhii jesaa bta sku ki kyaa chal raha hai mera dimaag me they all just think me ki kitni bechari hai bhai I don't want your sympathy I just want someone to just listen to me and I can cry so that pain can fade. But all I got is yrr we understand you but bhul ja usa f*cking hell nhii bhul pa rhi usa toh kya kru nhiii pta kesa jiyo uska jaane ka baad bss khud ko barbaad kiya hai har naya tareeka se aur ek din upar tarah barbaad krka chali jaugi. Lekin usa bhula pana mushkil nhii Naamaukin sa ho gaya hai. I just want sometimes ki bhai accident ho jaye aur sari yaadein mit naye uski kya pta fir shanti mil jaye iss dil aur dimag dono kyuki abhi toh kisi ko kuch nhii mil raha. 

Woh hi Kali hai, woh hi Parvati hai,
          Kabhi shakti ka roop, kabhi mamta ki murat hai.
          Kabhi Durga ban kar anyay se lad jaati hai,
          Kabhi Lakshmi ban kar ghar mein khushhaali laati hai.
          Kabhi Saraswati ban kar gyaan ki jyoti jalati hai,
          Toh kabhi Annapurna ban kar sabka pet bhar jaati hai.
          Uski aankhon mein samandar sa sabr hai,
          Aur uske dil mein poori duniya ki rehmat hai.
          Kabhi khud ke dard ko chupchaap seh leti hai,
          Aur kabhi sabke liye himmat ban jaati hai.
          Use kamzor samajhne ki bhool mat karna,
          Uski khamoshi mein bhi ek tufaan rehta hai.
          Woh hi shanti hai, woh hi aandhi hai,
          Woh hi dharti hai, woh hi aasmaan hai.
          Usse ek din ke jashn mein kaise sameta jaaye,
          Jab woh khud hi poori srishti ki pehchaan hai.
          Woh hi Kali hai, woh hi Parvati hai…
          Aurat sirf ek roop nahi,
          Khud mein poori ek shakti ki kahani hai
          
          Happy women's day 

It feels so weird these days like I want to be alone but also don't want to be alone . Sabse dur jana chahti hu itna dur ki kbhi vapis lot ka naa a sku lekin sath hi koi aesa chahti hu jise sab bta sku if it makes sense. I'm tired of my life . Sab cheza bss irritate krti hai choti choti baatein pr gussa ho jati hu. Always feels like I'm a loser, a failure who didn't do anything in her life. Do pal ki bhi shanti nhi hai life me. Why am I always alone? Why can't someone prioritize me over everything?? Is I that bad. I know yha likhne se kuch nhi hoga but it makes me feel better. Regretting every decision of my life. 

Kitna ajeeb hai naa log. Jo kbhi humse itna pyar krta tha, humara liye sab kuch krna ko tyar tha aaj vhi log humse baat tk nhi krna chahta hai. Phle vo humare life aata hai, hume pyar deta hai, humari jeena ki wajah bnata hai. Aur fir, fir vhi log aesa gayab ho jata hai jesa kbhi tha hi nhi humari zindagi me. Aur vo jo insaan piche rehta hai vo bss khud se nafrat krta reh jata hai. Ki shyd mai hi bura hu, ki shyd mujhe me hi koi kami hai isliye vo mujhe chod ka chla gya. Hum bss khud se itni nafrat krta reh jata hai ki khud ko dekhna nhi chahta. Logo ka aaga yhi dekhte rehta hai ki hum mst apna zindagi jee raha hai, khush hai lekin vo akeli raatein jb sch janti hai. Jb raat ko rote rote kb subha ho gyi pta hi nhi chla. Aaj ki duniya me oyar vyar kuch nhi hai sab juth hai. Log bss hume tym pass ki tarah use krta hai. Jb unka mann bhar gaya toh fek diya kisi kone me. Aur vo feka hua insaan bs tut jata hai. Bhul jata hai ki uss insaan ka bhar bhi koi duniya hai jo uska intezaar kr rhi hai, lekin use toh bss chahiye toh vo hi chahiye jo aakhir tk usa bss dard dega. 

How its feel to be so alone like the moment you give time to your brain to think it start missing them. I have friends they're good but still I can't tell them what I féel. The guilt of not being good, not been able to study when you want, not able to make your parents proud. The only thing I want is just hug someone and cry in their arms. So that the emptiness can be gone. I miss you so much I tell everyone that I move on but there is not a single second when I don't miss you. Tum vapis nhi aa skta kyaa. Tumhara bina sab adhura lgta hai. Yaa toh tum vapis aa jao yaa bhagwaan jii usa bheja jiska baad insaan hi khtm ho jata aesa roz roz toh nhi marne pda ga. I wish I have someone jiske pass msg krna se phle ye sochna naa pada ki khi mai esa parshen toh nhi kr rhi but at the end of day I'm alone . Mera yee jo charon aur shoor hai bss vo band ho jaye shanti chahiye mujhe bss vo thodi se mil jaye 

Jaane wala chala gaya,
          Aur hum khud mein kamiyaan taraste reh gaye.
          Aaine ke saamne khade hokar
          Bas khud se sawal karte reh gaye.
          Kya hamara ishq kaafi nahi tha,
          Jo yun hi hum tanha reh gaye?
          Kya hamari aankhon mein woh kashish nahi thi
          Jo unhe thehra paati?
          Kya hamari muskaan mein woh jaadu nahi tha
          Jo unhe deewana bana paati?
          Jaane wala chala gaya
          Aur hum khud se hi nafrat karte reh gaye.
          
          How's it （｡>‿‿<｡）（｡>‿‿<｡）