@Spin37
Try setting the scene in every chapter. Time, setting, location, character mood, etc. are all things that should be discussed at the start of the chapter or whenever there is a change in setting. Also, start a new paragraph whenever there is a new topic, or whenever another character is speaking. If your entire story is one paragraph, readers will skim or lose interest.
Describe the actions of what each character is doing e.g. thrusting, pumping, bucking, etc. Make sure to also use adjectives whenever possible to describe the actions and body parts. Using adjectives to describe actions and body parts helps the reader to better imagine the scene the way you're interpreting it.
Some general writing advice: You should incorporate a comma every time there is a pause in a sentence. Example: Glory walked towards the river, then turned to face the forest. In this sentence there is a pause after "river" but it's still explaining what Glory is doing, so it's in the same sentence. When I write, there is a comma in almost every sentence. Another time to use a comma is when after dialogue there is a sentence describing the dialogue. Example: "I like sloths," Glory said. This comma gets replaced if you're using an exclamation point or question mark. If there is no describing sentence or punctuation, simply use a period.
Instead of repeating words, use synonyms that are more specific. e.g. Instead of using "said" use exclaimed, asked, requested, challenged, joked, etc. These words emphasize the characters tone and mood within the dialogue.
