"i used to be an adventurer, then i took an arrow to the knee"
"i used to have a best friend until he gave me an std"
"if your stomach feels weak then my work here is done"
"i learned from cigarette burns, fast cars, fast women, and cheap drinks"
"ive got lies to tell your children"
"how are you a half-virgin, either its in or its not"
"your bull-shitting so bad right now you might as well clean up after the rodeo"
"if she brings you in the room and locks the door, youll be right where every guy has gone before"
"bitch you aint no barbie, i see you work at arby's, #2, super sized, hurry up im starving"
"sometimes i forget what i had been doing for the past month."
"her mouth is like my house, so i guess you can say im comin home"
"i got swag and its pumpin out of my ovaries"
"one day all women will become monsters"
"i didnt say i was powerful, i said i was a wizard"
"take your time im only dying"
"i almost drowned in her pussy, so i swam to her butt"