Throwawaydread
this message may be offensive
You.
To still feel a lingering ache for you who is not there.
To desire to have what is already lost and can never be again.
To wish I could do it all over, and make you happy, and take away all that pain I caused.
Would it make you happy...?
No.
I must say goodbye now.
I have to say goodbye.
I love you.
God, part of me still fucking loves you...
Even after all these years...
Even after everything...
Or perhaps it's the idea of you...
I'm not even sure myself anymore...
I wish it could be different...
But wishing so would mean you couldn't be happy where you are now... Wherever that may be...
I miss you... And I wish I could take you with me as I move forward in life...
But I must let go...
I have to...
As much as it kills me...
I wish I could have been the light that shone as brightly as you described in your poems...
I read them frequently...
Maybe too frequent...
Maybe it's self-torment, I don't know...
I type this in my notes, not expecting it to go anywhere. I just need it off my chest...
I'm happy for you.
And I'm happy that we were... Even if I wasn't the part of your life destined to stay there...
I'm glad I got to have that experience... The impact you made on me...
In reality you were the light all along, not me.
Your poems may aswell be turned on their head, because I feel as though I could reflect that myself... As I recall you...
This was unhealthy... I know... But it needed to be said... Closure and that...
It may take you years, decades even to notice this... Hell, maybe you won't even notice it at all, maybe my comment will drift into eternity without a single view... I'm fine with that... Maybe it's better that way...
I hate saying goodbyes... I always have...
Do you ever love so much
That it pains to say
Goodbye or Goodnight?
I'm sure you have... You said it yourself, after all...
Brilliant.
This is goodbye I guess...
Goodbye...
Throwawaydread
(Gosh, I make it sound like I've been bloody obsessed for more than half a decade, but in reality it's just, buried guilt I guess. An ache that never goes away that I must confront. That constant compulsion to know how you're doing and what you're feeling. No matter what goes on in my life, that still lingers in my mind. I hardly check in anymore, not that I was doing so before, it hurt too much back then, but even when I'm not, it just takes a moment of weakness and deep despair for my mind to harken back.)