Kevin Jenkins

@joymoment My gosh you two are UPROARIOUSLY funny. Thank you for allowing me to eavesdrop. Laughter is the best.. well, everything!

@joymoment Excellente. It’s been too long since the world had a healthy dose of Tristan. He is the hope for our future. And our future looks.... bright. Like a horizon that’s lit up by a nuclear explosion.

I disagree.
            They are the most hilarious people and have the most wonderful brother-sister relationship imaginable, only surpassed by the true Elliot and Tristan. 
            I am wondering how many siblings you have though, @joymoment

@lemmeseee Haha thanks! ❤️ 

@joymoment Sister dearest,
            
               I'm with you - I lose track of the thread of our conversation before we even finish. Sometimes before we begin. Most often in the third quarter, especially if the cheerleaders haven't come out.
            
            With that in mind I'm going to completely change subjects from..... whatever we were discussing to tell you a story. Keep in mind all the characters in this story (besides the main ones) are completely real:
            
            Last week I'm sitting at a street side bar that only serves fruit roll ups (they cost $15 a pop but hey, it's trendy) and this Panda walks up. He orders five and eats them quickly. He's handed his bill, ignores it, instead pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter. He begins to stroll out when one of the other customers says "hey!! what's going on???" The Panda gives him a nonchalant grin and says "I'm a Panda, look it up in the dictionary."
            
            I google Panda on wikipedia and it reads "large black and white bear, eats shoots and leaves."
            
            Always, I now work for the Panda mafia here in San Diego and it's going well. I have to kill someone in Boston next month so I'll try to swing by.
            
            Until then I remain, as always, mildly disinterested in all things.
            
            Tristan

@Kevin_Is_Tristan My dearest, strangest Tristan, 
            Since I didn't take time to reread what I wrote I'm going to same I'm the brilliant one and you don't understand my genius. 
            
            I would apologize for my dismissive attitude towards your message on my wall, but as a super famous, well renowned author I feel I have enough ego to say 'eh' and move on. 
            
            I think referring to mimes in equality to the red light district is a but far reaching, they wear far to much clothing for that. In all other aspects, I agree. 
            
            I don't know what we were talking about because we so rarely talk about anything worth talking about that the moment we're done talking about it it is forgotten.
            
            Sincerely your memory challenged sister,
            
            Elliot

My dear and superior sister,
                I’d like to choose the former option (though I barely understood it. And I’m a genius. Perhaps that says more about your writing than my intelligence? Also, I’ve been writing within parenthesis for what feels like several years so let’s move onto the next paragraph).
            
            I did not notice your last post on my wall. I would offer my sincerest apologies but I feel like they are unnecessary given this message I received from you some months past (and I quote):
            
            “Dearest Tristan,
                I saw that you responded to a message of mine but since it’s too far back on my wall I can’t find it and when I say I can’t find it I mean I’m too lazy to go find it.”
            
            So. This is the part of the soliloquy where the protagonist traditionally drops a microphone. It should be noted that there is rarely an actual microphone and what usually happens is they mime dropping a mic. Abhorrent. Mimes are the whores of the movement world and their craft is the equivalent of a back alley transaction in the red light district.
            
            Anyways...
            
            What were we talking about?
            
            Sincerely,
            
            Tristan

@Kevin_Is_Tristan What?! Sarcasm is the first thing to go! Who knew! 
             
            If you didn’t know, that was sarcasm in case you’re still sleep deprived. 
            
            Okay, I’ll just sit by the phone waiting because I’m a woman in the fifties with no life of my own. 
            
            Mostly like be dead by the time you call cause I won’t have eaten but you know, worth it! 
            
            As always your cooler sister,
            Cece 
            
            P. S. Have you seen the new season of Brooklynn 99 cause that’s all I could think of with your closing 

@joymoment Wait - Kelly is YOUR secretary?!? Is she two-timing me?!?! How dare she take a job on the side when I pay her a salary that she can very comfortably live off of (provided it's in a village in South America).
            
            Whatever.
            
            So weird that you're super busy with DECO - that's totally what I'm dealing with too. I feel like you might be making fun of me but I haven't had a proper night of sleep in about two months so I can't tell anymore. Did you know that the ability to discern sarcasm is one of the first things you lose when you're suffering from a bullet to the brain? Very interesting...
            
            Let's play the phone call by ear. I'd love to just spontaneously pick up the phone and call when I have a spare moment but I'm fairly certain no one has a phone turned on anymore so that wouldn't work. But I'm assuming if I text you you'll get it at some point...?  Anyways - if you're alright keeping it loosey-goosey then this'll work out dandy. Probably mid week next week will be good (usually by Wednesday I'm so tired that nothing matters anymore and I'll call you hallucinating which is always a good time).
            
            I am, as always,
            
            Your insane(ly) artistic brother,
            
            Trisham
            
            Nope - that sounds wrong.
            
            My name is Trisha.
            
            Nailed it.

@joymoment Dearest Elliot,
                I would love to chat. So much to catch up on. I'm back in Miami and dealing with the humidity like a champ. I went to hell briefly when that assassin stomped me to death but it turns out the devil is a big fan and made a deal where I can come back so long as I tag him in a few posts. He's recently gotten into social media in a BIG WAY and he is super hooked. 
            
            I always assumed he'd invented the platform himself but it turns out that was Loki. Apparently he thought it would be hilarious for people to post inane things about themselves and then he set up all these dummy accounts to respond so people would think they had importance or something. He's planning a big reveal when his TV show comes out and it should devastate every tween in existence. I look forward to it.
            
            Anyways...
            
            Turns out the humidity here isn't too bad once you compare it to humidity with sulfur in the air. That stuff will really wreck your roots.
            
            So, I'd love to chat about life and hairstyles. I started Deco this week and will be settled in nicely by Monday. Plus, I feel like I should call Madre first since I've neglected all communication for the last few weeks. But you're next.
            
            All my best,
            
            Tristan

@Kevin_Is_Tristan Let me know if you can ever chat, I know you’re heading into Deco so it will be intense but I want to hear the grating sound of you voice, you know how I miss it 

@joymoment  I miss you to boo. Feel like we need a catchup, but there's no time in my crazy busy January, so this shall have to do for now.
            
            Hope you're kicking butt at writing at usually. Miss you :)

@Kevin_Is_Tristan Wow poor Hector. Maybe that’s why I was drawn to him, he’s so outwardly damaged that it balances my inward damage. 

@joymoment Dearest damaged sister,
                Beware of Hector. I know him well. When we spoke several months ago he mentioned he had found a mark to seduce for a two month span, just long enough for him to file taxes as married for the benefits. This confused me since Hector is living on welfare. But then he always was as dumb as a box of rocks that had been born with mental deficiencies, then hit over the head repeatedly with a shovel, cartoon style, where every other hit makes him remember things and the other hits addle his brain. So, yea, he stupid.
            
            But congrats! So happy for you!!
            
            Tristan