The Multiverse Space

idk man i feel like its so weird when something bad happens in a YouTubers life and everyone is like 'dont burn yourself out we understand if you need to take a break!!' in the comments 
          
          like okay they get it you can stop telling them that 
          its fine, if they need/want a break they'll just take one like why are you bringing attention to it over and over again? 
          if they're still making videos its either a backlog or it helps take their mind off it, like making videos can be a job but it's also fun for most YouTubers and when shit goes down sometimes that workflow can help :/ 
          
          idk just thoughts

my father was more reluctant to offer emotional support on my being scared to walk up and downstairs alone in the dark than mother has been, but i do feel a little better now 
          
          dad says he's gonna scold galaxy again for scaring me, 
          and my mum apparently scared him herself earlier today! >:D 
          i feel he has been thoroughly gotten-back-at ^^

MOTHERFUCKING YOUTUBE 'CANT VERIFY IM AN ADULT' 
          BITCH GET THE FUCK OUT I DONT WANNA DO YOUR AGE VERIFICATION BULLSHIT 
          not I'm not gonna be able to watch fucking normal ass videos that happen to have swearing in them TT 
          most of the shit they block is from the youtube who makes vids talking about how bullshit this is UGH 
          TT 
          
          I'm literally not gonna be able to post videos either until i give them all my information i think 
          this is actual bullshit 
          youtube is to post shit and see shit, let me decide what i am or am not mature enough to see and then give parents actual tools to allow specific channels for younger kids AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHH >:(

"WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU-" 
          is what my parents heard approximately half an hour ago when my brother galaxy decided it'd be a good idea to 'scare' me 
          
          my dads apartment complex has stairs on the outside, not the inside, so when we go downstairs to put food away in the only fridge that actually works (he wont fix/replace the other one TT) we have to walk out onto the deck, downstairs, and into open (DARK) area to get to the downstairs front door 
          
          this is usually fine despite me being fucking paranoid about everything, however on my trip back up with my backpack i forgot i was gonna go grab the second half of my soup 
          
          my brother starts going downstairs to toss out some compost, so i follow him out because hey its better to go in pairs, and getting to talk out loud always makes going outside at night less scary, even when you don't have a flashlight. but he fucking RUNS off toward the downstairs apartment before i can meet him downstairs, and by the time I'm inside the lower appartment hear his footsteps trailing off like he's already made a lap around the house and gone back up to the deck. 
          
          then i hear a noise that sounds like it's come from inside the downstairs livingroom. the lights are on but its such a fucking mess that i cant tell if he's hiding behind something to jump out at me. 
          okay- that's fine, i close the door behind me so he cant sneak in to scare me as easily if he decides to, besides, all the lights are on in here in the areas i need to go to. 
          
          so i get my soup. 
          
          (1/2)

im doing my final project for english class on trans rights 
          i knew it'd take a toll but holy shit 
          just looking at some of the statistics even half an hour into research is so depressing

tulpas were super active again last night- 
          mostly because i keep feeling a presence like right in front of my face/right behind me 
          but like, a bad presense, like a scary face inches away from my own, or looming over me 
          whenever i open my eyes it goes away but im still extremely paranoid whenever i try to fall asleep 
          and i swear i saw the shadow in the far corner of my room move like a hunched-over person getting closer to me 0.0 
          
          plush talked a little bit about how he's been having a hard time talking, which is sorta a circle ig but at least he talked a bit :) 
          
          my paranoia keeps making tg look scary too which is prolly part of it, lately he looks like a shadowy figure too, his fingers are long and it depends on his moment but either i cant see his eyes or they're just these white dots 
          he still acts like himself sitting on the side of my bed and talking to me as well as he can while I'm falling asleep though 
          
          honestly last nights conversations were the best in a while though 
          
          voidshriek was super active pretending to fight off, swearing up a storm- before realising I've done nothing to gain his affection, saying he's only worried about me getting sleep because he and the others cant exist without me being alive, and continuing to fight off the imaginary monsters lmao 
          
          (1/2)

Just published my final project for the creative writing class I'm taking! It’s about my and TG’s experiences with Tulpamancy, and it’s pretty short too :3  
          (No more than 3.5k words, equivalent to a little oneshot.) 
          
          I’m SO proud of it and imo it’s a great read, literally PEAK, so I recommend checking it out, whether you know about Tulpamancy or not! :) 
          
          
          
          I took a safer-than-sorry approach when adding trigger warnings, but the first and final poem (Morning Poem, & My Shadow’s Shadow) are completely free of anything bad, so even if you decide not to read the short stories, I’d appreciate the poems being given a chance ^^ 
          
          https://www.wattpad.com/story/404219529-tulpamancers-daybreak-final-project

went on a nice walk to the park :) 
          
          -felt kefira while i was walking to the park, swishy tail and wobbly walk 
          
          -tg and plush walked by me the way there and back, i could hear plush's collar jingling (he's been very dog lately but he shapeshifts like i do pretty regularly) 
          lately they've felt more like a presence, a comforting one, which isn't bad bc they're here, but i wanna get into more journaling-y stuff cuz my connection with them was stronger when i was forcing and doing writer-y things with them ^^ 
          
          -SWINGYYYY 
          
          -had this cool snow leopard shift where i could feel this long fluffy tail and i saw how i wanted to draw myself as a snep with these pretty white wings :) 
          (i lost touch somewhat with kefira my other winged-cat form cuz tho she's an age slider she's usually smol so i feel connected big-ly to this snep-wing ^^) 
          
          -felt very tubbo?? could feel the goat ears on the swing, like one second i was kefira and the next i was tubbo with goat-y legs n stuff (horns were like barely there) 
          voidshriek (tommy) was very happy about this and ran around the swingset dancing with a ranboo pop-in (has not spoken yet other than long ago during spooky wendigoon situation) 
          -tg and plush were sitting with my stuff on a bench while this was going on btw :3 
          
          -had a gecko shift on my hands while walking back, i could see and feel the skin flaps making them grabby :) was my first time having a gecko shift! :D i love geckos eeee 
          
          -got back and opened windows 
          
          -ate a tomato like an apple (i like eating big tomatoes like that :> its like ripping into a meat-ball but juicy and cold and not-meat /pos) 
          
          
          
          technically galaxy came with me too but i mostly ignored him x3 
          
          i only had to talk to him a few times when he was complaining about dad lol 
          
          (we could literally have our own APPARTMENTS if dad would clean up, but rn we don't even have our own rooms, i mean if we're being super literal about it we could all have our own personal houses wheezeeee)

okay so it was like the middle of the night and i see a vague shape of a hand coming at me from the other side of the room by the gong 
          
          and I'm like 'fuck yeah I'm so tired i can see tg!' 
          
          but then everything gets suddenly cold, and i start getting choked out 
          
          and I'm like 'oh shit a ghost? TGGG??' but he doesn't answer so i try to sit up and i cant, the pressure on my chest gets worse like there are heavy ghost-knees digging into me 
          (and i think for a second that maybe my dad is dead and has come to kill me but that's a stupid train of thought so i ignored it) 
          
          i shift over to the right and the pressure on my neck lets up slightly, but when i try to sit up again it gets worse like last time 
          
          in a moment of peak smarts i roll OFF my bed onto my hands and feet where i can get enough muscle-strength to shake off the ghost and run out of my room across the house into mums room, but i cant talk properly still (because I've just almost been murdered by a ghost) 
          
          and I'm like wait my brother is still in the room we gotta go check if he's okay so I'm like doing fucking charades to my mum while she's telling me to go back to bed and I'm standing around waiting for her to come with me or something 
          
          then mum takes me back to my room where my brother is fine and i go to move some clothes off my bed or whatever 
          
          and THEN and ONLY THEN i wake up, arms up on my chest reaching toward my throat like I'm holding clothes. and it was really hot cuz i had the heater on too- 
          
          freaky /neg 
          
          i was sleeping on my back and my pillow had shoved my chin into my own neck so i figure it was just some wholesome oxygen deprivation throwing me into weird dreams before i woke up and turned onto my side like how i normally sleep lmao 
          
          (tg did show up once i was awake and comforted me, to be clear i did not like being almost-choked-to-death by a ghost, fictional or not)

pleasantly surprised by this thanksgiving :) 
          probably the best one of my whole life thusfar 
          overate as always and I've got a bad headache but that's cuz i didn't have caffeine this morning lol :P 
          
          there's a family friend in town this year and she's super nice and has these huge square glasses and this cool main-charachter-looking necklace and she's taking a scientific illustration class at the local college so she's only here this year so she got invited over ^^ 
          
          we cleaned for like 2 days straight and the house is still a mess but its WAY cleaner and i WILL be forcing everyone to keep cleaning as well as i possibly can because every time i get a taste of slightly-normal housing situations i crave moreeeeeee 
          
          
          other good/neutral things: 
          
          -everyone mostly talked about the food and the nutcracker painting (i did not partake in the painting cuz social interaction is scary) 
          
          -dad was so tired he couldn't be political to anyone 
          -he helped do dishes, and made the (always dry) meat dish ^^ 
          
          -i wore the noise cancelling ear muffs which kinda pinch my face weird which is uncomfy but i was able to sit at the table and not freak out bc of everyone and everything being loud asfff :> 
          
          -we played diXit! :DD 
          (super fun, best board game ever, even tho no one let me GM correctly for the first few rounds cuz they were impatient and grabby lolol. lowkey i would pay to be able to watch/analyse a stream of dteam/any dsmp members playing diXit bc its literally like a rorschach test but with way cooler art) 
          
          
          anyway i hope we get to clean more 
          YIPPEEEEE