Kinderartifact4

I’m currently toying with the idea of maybe making a short group rp based around my concept of shapeshifters! Probably won’t, idk many ppl who would be interested since a grand majority of my usual group isn’t here anymore. It would have a small plot, but the how and why of the setting wouldn’t really have much explanation (could reuse a bit of my scrapped “Trapped in the Shadow Realm” grp rp concept for that tbh). Character I’d for sure use for that would be Sein.

Literally feeling the worst I’ve ever felt for like nearly a couple weeks now.

Birthday today, I’m 21 now!

Finally told that guy (not my friend anymore) I’m pulling away from him, was as nice as I could be about it. Made it known why I was pulling away. 
          
          Not only did he say he wasn’t sorry for making me feel unsafe or uncomfortable because I’d been pissing him off, he’s blaming me. He listed things I’d done that, mind you, I was not aware was actually nothing him. He said he’d told me, but if he did, he did so while I was distracted or said so casually in a way that didn’t make it register as a problem. 
          
          I have repeatedly told him directly that if I am doing something wrong, please please please tell me, like sit me down at talk to me about if instead of telling me when I’m clearly overstimulated or just not paying attention to anything, because half the time it won’t register as a problem unless someone directly tells me, in which case I will gladly correct my behaviour because I do not want to be a problem. Do not just let me go on thinking everything is ok, especially if you’re not going to ACT like it’s a problem.
          
          Because like, it sounded like he’d been upset with me for a while, which if that was the case then why the hell did he keep me around as long as he did? When exactly did he stop considering me a friend?
          
          I’m just so fking tired right now, that message drained me. I’m fine, it’s just going to be bothering me for a while. His lack of proper communication is not my fault.

Friendship breakups suck. I’m currently going through one with my bsf (we aren’t the ones breaking up, but we’re both pulling away from a mutual friend/not really friend anymore), and it’s really been taking a toll on my mental health. 
          
          Like on one hand I don’t want to because he’s still nice most of the time. But on the other, he’s made us both so uncomfortable. He pulled a stunt back in August or July that made me feel incredibly unsafe (he knows exactly how I feel about being in cars and why he has been told multiple times) which I didn’t get an apology for until he was called out for not apologizing.
          
          He constantly crossed boundaries despite being told of them and reminded of them multiple times.
          
          Made flirty comments to both of us despite knowing exactly where our sexualities stand (neither of them align with him).
          
          I was most likely close to an anxiety attack because I genuinely thought he left me alone in the biggest mall in my province (as a joke because he thought I was being rude btw, which he’s done that multiple times; doing something that makes me uncomfortable or scared as a retaliation for being unintentionally rude or annoying instead of just talking to me about it).
          
          The way he says sorry whenever we made a complaint that immediately made at least me feel bad.
          
          I was always so angry when I was with both of them, angry with him, and I hate being angry. And it was only when my bsf was present, so we’re pretty sure he was deliberately trying to piss me off to make her uncomfortable.
          
          There’s probably more that I can’t remember or put into words right now. But I think I ignored everything because hanging out with him got me out of the house, and got me some much needed human interaction. Now though, I can’t take the way he treats me me anymore, I’m pulling away for my own mental health and it sucks. And I can’t stand for the way he made my bsf feel - I’m her friend first, not his.

I remember so vividly how much Ace’s death in Blackjack devastated me, and I’m about to devastate myself and those around me again with this fic I’m writing.
          
          Like, I am having so much fun planning this one, the Seb & Azzy one is getting put on the back burner for now.

I’m realizing that when it comes to story writing, I do better when I write in snippets and then connect/correct later, like non-linear. 
          
          With this method, we have such fun highlights as: “writing the end of the fic first” and “getting stuck and almost forgetting that I literally don’t have to deal with this part right now”.

I keep finding dresses and thinking “Ooo Azmia would look nice in that!”
          
          OC thoughts, if that wasn’t clear.

What would a blind dragon be able to do around a flowershop? I put a blind Icewing in my flowershop group but I can’t think of what she could do.

“The stars are always watching” fun little quote about an OC that I thought up!