PoosyKat

Merry Christmas 

I’m alive <D if any of you care or are from my old account. I’m doing better. Mentally and physically. I have some relapses but they don’t last long. My medication helps a lot. Now, about the books. Almost been a year… More than. Safe to say that I don’t think I will continue them. They will remain only seeable to me for the foreseeable future still. I’m sorry for the lack of communication and updates.

I’m sick lol my cat is being a brat T-T he won’t stop swatting and trying to eat my hair- WHY DOES HE THINK HAIR TASTES GOOD…. why!? T^T

I have been thinking a lot these past few days. I was lost and I still am but I am sort of not? I know what I want to do with my life. I know how to achieve it. I know who I love. I know who isn’t good for me. I have made a lot of decisions in the last couple days haha.. TvT one of them was breaking up with someone I wasn’t happy with. I was uncomfortable a lot- it got to the point where I just almost thought of just killing myself to get away from him. I’m okay now. I swear- if anyone cares lol. Not many people will know me when I die or if I do die. If someone does manage to hear about all they would have known about me was that “I was taken to soon and the Lord has plans for my life.” or some shit like that.. But anyway- I’m diverting from the topic haha- I have been thinking of just not sitting with my group of friends at lunch 1 and 2 anymore. If I do this I will have to be alone for the rest of the year and I am still asking myself if I can handle that. I have to options. 1. Stay and just read and interact when I have to and have to deal with the insults that are tearing me in half and having to deal with my ex who is very close to all of them but not- 2. Leave and hide out in the bathroom and be comfortable and somewhat happy again BUT have crippling depression and thoughts probably a couple weeks later. 
          
          …
          
          Both are snfjbejejfjeb terrible! I DONT KNOW what I’m supposed to do! 

I’m in 10th grade now. What the fuck am I doing with my life.

I know this won’t help me. I fucking know. But I just can’t. I want to isolate myself. I want to break it off with so many people and just not speak and just see if they even care. I used to care and still do for them a lot but I’m starting to realize they don’t really care about me. I wish so much I could just stay in my room and sit in a corner and just rock. I wish I didn’t get the cat I have been wanting for years because I do not want him to see me like this. I used to want to live because of my friends and I did for almost a year but now I am just so lost.

I wish someone would just talk to me. Be real. How am I expected to try to help my friends out when I don’t even know what’s wrong with myself? Therapy isn’t helping. I feel like my heart if failing. Sinking. Like I’m dying slowly. And I just want to die.

Thank you for the follow

School sucks~

I’m gay