I really hate anxiety sometimes. Because whenever I get too anxious or too upset, heck sometimes even when I get to excited or happy, I start seizing. It hurts, it feels like fire’s traveling through my arms while I’m getting electrocuted at the same time. It makes me want to cry because I can’t even sit down at a charity event and eat a plate of food because of all the noise and people around me makes me start to twitch. What I hate even more though is that I can’t cry about it, there’s no use in crying over something you can’t control and crying only makes it worse. But now I am sitting home alone with a plate of poorly cooked spaghetti and a smushed cupcake that I nearly threw into the air trying to steady my breathing and calm down despite everything in my body screaming for me to break down. But I can’t. And that hurts even more, I can’t cry out of frustration or anger or sadness because that only makes the seizures worse and the release crying gives does not hold a candle to the flame that my seizures bring. I just want to be able to sit in a crowd and not feel like I’m going to crumble and break down, unable to control my own arms or legs because they decided to get minds of their own and those minds says to mine, this may be your body but you have no control. You took painkillers for your left arm moving about without you doing it? Cool, let’s have your right leg start kicking while we throw your head back.