oh, rivers. where do I even begin? the moment I heard the first note of buddy holly, I fell to my knees knowing I was in the presence of a god. you alone are one of the most talented men I had ever set my eyes upon. ever since I saw you pick up an instrument, I knew you were the one. your music has changed and moved not only others but me. I should be the only one for you. you, and your amazingly shit fashion sense. i love you earth and beyond. I belong to you, oh rivers. and you belong to me. one day, my rivers cuomo body pillow will have to be thrown away for I will have you. and I know that for a fact. I'm sure your body, your soothing voice, will all be mine. and you'll learn to love me like I love you. you are buddy holly, and I'm mary tyler moore. surely this love of mine will not go to waste, my baby. I'm very sure of it.

if you don't believe me, we share the same interests. the same bands, the same genres, the same people. we can bond together. can't you believe it? we practically fit together like a glove. if you don't I am sure I would bawl my eyes out. I want you more than anything
.tonight, I will sneak under your bed, as you scroll on Twitter. in the morning I will follow you into the bathroom, and hide behind the curtains. I will be in your coffee mug. I'll be in your feed. and of course, I'll also be yours. never will i ever turn like how the world turned from you. I am way too loyal to ever betray anyone like you.               and you still don't believe we can make it together? us, and our unbreakable chemistry? you're crazy. freaky, even. that's what i love about you. cmon, strum for me. I know it'll be good. everything about you is good. that's what the hole in my rivers body pillow says, at least. if you want, I can bring weezer condoms. weezer toys. and a jar with a rivers funko pop inside. I can do that. or I can be innocent. I can be anything for you, really. because you deserve it. you deserve every second of my attention and I deserve you.