Despair-chan

Hi gurl, it's been so long I haven't talked to you for awhile... Not sure if you're still online but, is everything alright? I know you're having troubles lately but you know what's mine? Seeing your own goddamn father in a coffin, dead in his deep sleep! It hurts yes but I am trying to move on but even if I wanted to, I just couldn't.. Ever since he has a stroke 4 weeks ago, I thought that he would be okay, when he was sent to the hospital again I stayed positive, hoping and praying that he would come back alive but in the end, it didn't meet to my expectations he died. He just left us like this... My mom still recovering from it, sister is trying to be strong for both of us while me? Pretending that everything was just a dream that I couldn't wake up of course, I still remembered that nagburst ako in front of my weakened dad.. nung sinabi ko ung last words ko sa kanya... I felt angry at him and shouted all of my frustrations on him for not surviving this goddang stroke and shouting all the bad things that I've done to him. He was dead on the day of Independence's Day and sent to the cemetery on July 9. Kaya wag ka nga, magpasalamat ka na buhay pa dad mo kase kung hindi mareregret mo yun, oo ang hirap talaga umadjust para lamang makipagkaibigan pero try to help yourself too, not all the times parents mo tutulungan ka, one day they will leave you. Kaya wag ka maging makasarili, isipin mo na may tumutulong sa inyu at andoon palagi sila para sa pamilya mo. Kaya please lang... Please help yourself, don't do it for your family, society or your friends here and out there... Do it for yourself. 
          
          Sana tong message na toh mainspire ka or may gana tulungan sarili mo. 

A message to my former self:
          
          Hey. You've grown. Are you okay now? Are you happier? It's best to not be so salty, you know? You'll end up driving your friends away if you keep acting like that.
          
          We've changed, right?
          
          Thank you for being here. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be here. I owe it to you. Don't be so angry with yourself. You should always treat yourself with love and patience. I guess it's kind of hypocritical of me to say that, because I'm still somewhat depressed and all.
          
          You are Shii. I am also Shii. We are one but different. And we exist because of each other.
          
          So don't hate yourself. Rather, always expect that things can change, and it will change for the better. The things you dislike will turn to things you like. Don't be so stubborn, and embrace everything, as they might benefit you.
          
          It's okay to cry and be frustrated, but don't take it out on people that are unwarranted of your emotions. Treat your close friends with love because you'll never know when you'll last talk to each other.
          
          That's it. Thank you "Rin/Kon". 

I'm getting an anxiety attack from reading everything I've done

Should I die? 
          
          Finding out that I had no other friends except was hard. Returning to school was hard, especially because I developed a social anxiety. Even the teachers, I'm afraid to approach. Earlier, in my mind, I kept on making such confident remarks and swears but when I was asked to say them aloud I found myself stammering. 
          
          I know that I had shut myself in my mind and house for the whole summer and now I have to face real people who aren't my friends. Looking at those who had friends made me jealous. I'm gonna temporarily leave this account and make a new one. I don't want anyone talking to me so I'll temporarily shut my Instagram too. I'm sorry but y'all don't care anyways.
          
          Should I die...?
          Yes.

Waiting till I get 222 followers to match my background pic. :3

Non non there is no grey
          
          Only dark white and light black
          
          ( ﾉ◕ヮ◕ )ﾉ*:･ﾟ

Heyyyy 
          
          You watch gravity falls OwO
          
          Fav ship???

@Kaito_Night you want me to publish it? OwO 

Look at my bio. 

Is it normal to have a crush on someone? And no.. it's not me.