Ik you probably don't know who I am, but I hope you're okay. And ik it's really ironic to say that when we can see that you're not, but really. You may feel like everything is going in the wrong direction (which it is, as we can see), but just know that it will get better. It may be hard for a while, it probably will, but you'll grow from it, get better, and continue. Sorry if this is a bad way of comforting people, I've never tried before, but I hope you get better and live a healthy life. I don't know your whole life and how you're going, but really, please don't give up. It maybe took you a lot of courage to write all of this, and I find you very strong for it.
Your books were one of the firsts that I found and genuinely liked, and you were a great writer. I hope you get better and live a happier life.