Kozmic_Dazai
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(TRIGGER WARNING THREAD AHEAD0
Hi, I don't really know what to say or if this even counts as a rant. I have been clinically dead on Wattpad for a while, and for that I'm sorry. I don't know I feel like this whole event kinda made me emotionally numb and catatonic to the world around me. (Fun Fact: Apparently domestic abuse during quarantine has skyrocketed I can say that as a fucking retard that is forced to remain at home before College starts back up that yes it is happening and yay! I am now part of a statistic)
I am legit fucking tired of everything. I'm happy that you all have been reading my stuff or whatever but I'm just a fucking dumbass that started doing this in their room because they have no real fucking friends or any real people that will actually care for, love, or support them. I look back at my work sometimes and fucking cringe because it reminds me of when I was much more overtly and openly suicidal. Those characters were terrible self-inserts and I admit this I'm so fucking sorry that you had to put up with my bullshit through several books. It was cathartic to make characters that represented me so perfectly yet was distant enough where I could say that they weren't me. I know no one's going to hear this and tbh I'm glad if you don't. I'm some random bitch on the internet that wrote shitty wattled stories in order to try and escape real life.
Kozmic_Dazai
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offensive
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ENXvZ9YRjbo "I am an inconsistent creature. Perhaps it is the pressure of my past, and not my own perverse mind, that has made me into this contradictory being. I am all too well aware of this fault in myself. You must forgive me." - Some dumb fucking poet that didn't down himself in a river
Kozmic_Dazai
this message may be
offensive
However, with me entering college to be a retarded political science major (because I know I might as well be making fucking pennies per year if I were to seriously pick up writing) and my own social justice issues as well as shit going on in my home life and the pigs beating down on my fucking life and everything in general I'm not even sure if I want whatever "normal" was before. Normal before for me was still getting abused and drowning myself in work to avoid my depression and to avoid getting the shit kicked out of me. I'm fucking sorry you can't go to starbucks anymore boo fucking hoo. Go back to fucking tiktok and tell me you know what it feels like to be abused for the majority of your life so far and not know that it is fucking abuse for half of your fucking life.
I'm sorry I'm a bit fucking manic right now and if Wattled shuts down my fucking account because of it I won't really be surprised and don't know if I will even really care at this point. I figured I might as well just yell into the void in hopes of either trying to rationalize myself out of killing myself or rationalize myself into killing myself. I know the times when my abusers leaves and enters the house so that'll be enough time for me to further figure shit out.
But I'm tired and want every dumb fuck on this goddamn planet to know that shit was never fucking normal you just had a nice veil covering it the fuck up for you. I bet it's nice to have had your rose tinted glasses for so fucking long and not know what it's like to be sexually, physically, and mentally abused for the entirety of your life.
Anyway I hope someone can save people in Eastern Europe and in Africa from being sold as sex slaves or whatever. It's a nice thought. Sorry, maybe in your next life someone will be kinder to you and won't decide that it is more apt of them to remove your clitoris rather than leave you intact and able to fucking move.
Love you!
