Its so hard to be me, you have no idea. I know everybody has those bad days, all of teenagers get depressed and blah blah blah, but its not just that. I'll make you hate me then complain about it, i'll push you away and when you leave i'll beat myself for it. I worry about things that a 50 year old doesnt even think about it. I have my whole freaking life planed in my head and the possibility of something going wrong scares me to death. 
Even tho i make friend in every corner its so damn hard for me to keep a close friend. I just.. I just like i just think that people know what im thinking about so i dont have to let it out. Like i literally never text my friends first, bc like they all have stuff to do and i always think that they know i have nothing to do so they do know they can text me anytime, but they dont know that! They think i ignore them. 
If we're friends you should know i'll push you until you give up. Im always free. I talk allot... Only bc i think you care. If we're friends you should just fucking accept me for that! 
Believe me i do want to change! No one understand how hard it is to live with those voices that always drive me insane, with think 24/7. My brain physically hurts and there is nothing i can do about it! You have no idea how hard it is to live a life where you always expect things to happen and they never do. You have no freakin idea how it is to be me. To walk in my shoe and to live my life. The worst part is there is nothing to do about it. I just sit here, watch people walk into my life, give them all i have, push them away and watch them leave. 
I dont blame anyone tho, i wouldnt wanna be my friend either.