Whose Laughing Now

Tear soaked pillows and glistening eyes,
          Beautiful lips speak the sweetest lies.
          Don’t wear your heart on your sleeve,
          Or you’ll be the one left to weep.
          Trust no one and expect nothing,
          Because people only help if they can gain something. 
          Seemingly the brightest light in the darkest of places,
          But they’re just monsters with pretty faces.
          However, the worst thing is when you end up seeing;
          You’re just like every other horrible human being. 
          Try to convince yourself it isn’t true despite rhyme and reason,
          But you will always be your greatest demon.

I just can’t keep holding on. 

It hurts so bad and I know I’ve made a grave mistake. I hurt the closest person to me- my one and only love. What for? For something that may or may not be right? And I can’t take it back and my heart feels like it’s ripping apart.

Run run away 

Waiting for Superman.

Her words seep in like poison.
          I sit there and take it.
          The sweet venom she has chosen,
          Hurts like there’s no mistaking it. 

I crumble so easily,
          Reduced to nothing but ash and dust.
          I push harder and harder,
          But there’s no one here I can trust.
          Cuts are like tear drops,
          One always leads to another.
          I travel this world alone,
          But there’s nothing new to discover.
          Lonely nights and lonely days,
          There’s no one here for me.
          I can go farther and farther,
          But every step does not make you free.
          I run from my problems and insecurities,
          They’re relentless in their chase.
          And finally I come to you, ready to give up,
          Everything falls apart when I see your face.
          Those eyes I use to know so well,
          Are nothing but a memory.
          That bottle in your hands,
          Reminds me of what can never be.
          I turn to you one last time, you take the sip as I’m screaming no. 
          I fall back once more as  I turn away,
          Finally ready to let go.
          It’s just so hard to accept something, once you know it’s a lie.
          So here I run and fall and bleed,
          Wailing everything but goodbye. 
          
          

          
          One step to the edge, one step away from you.
          The closer she gets, the harder it is.
          She hates her self for what she’s about to do,
          She never wanted to do this.
          Never to you. 
          
          Her hands shake at her sides,
          She takes a deep breath to stop the pain.
          Her lows too low, her highs to high,
          She knows she the only one to blame.
          Her clenches her fists at her sides.
          
          One more step, she’s broken.
          She hesitates for a second.
          Her she lies, words unspoken.
          She just wants it to end.
          One more step, promises broken.
          
          A melody plays in her head,
          She knows this is what she must do.
          She takes a note out of her pocket, full of the words she never said.
          Words for her mother, words for you.
          She’s memorized it all in her head.
          
          One last breath, sadness gone.
          One last step, she goes.
          A tumble over the edge. She isn’t strong.
          As she falls, time slows.
          And that’s it, she’s gone.
          
          
          

It’s a weird feeling.
          Knowing you’re out there, doing something maybe I’ll never know or see.
          I want to see you. 
          I have to hear you.
          I need to hold you.
          
          Is a weird feeling.
          Knowing that you’re talking to people I’ll never meet, seeing things you’ll never tell me.
          I want to be there.
          I have to be there.
          I need to be there.
          
          It’s a weird feeling.
          Knowing that the world will still turn but I’ll never be okay with the miles between us.
          I want you here.
          I have to wait.
          I need you here.
          
          It’s a weird feeling.
          Knowing you’re just as broken and upset over the same damn things that I am.
          I want a happy ending.
          I have to see it.
          I need a happy ending.
          
          It’s a weird feeling.
          It’s as though my mind won’t let this go, it fears the worst is on its way.
          I want it to die down.
          I have to move forward.
          I need for the worst to never happen.

I know I’m overreacting,
          But I can’t help it.
          Times like this,
          It hurts. 
          Maybe I have no right to feel that way,
          But like I said I can’t help it.
          
          Just reminds me of how much of a bad person I can be even when I don’t mean to.
          I’m selfish and self centered.
          
          People can deny and say I’m not but I know in my heart that I am. I try to control it I really do, but maybe that just makes me human.
          
          I’ve always been jealous of those who put people before themselves naturally. I’ve always tried to do the same but I find myself slipping more than I care to admit.
          
          I’m sorry is one of those things I say now because I mean it. Maybe that means I shouldn’t be the one hurt- since I’m the one hurting others. 
          
          For that I’m sorry.