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i planned on not doing anything but I've been thinking about you lately. I know it's funny I don't have anyone I can talk to, nor that I want to but my mind keeps going back to you, back when even trivial things felt like a big deal, but this years really hitting me hard to make me realise what life is. My ed obviously and depression, and the fact that i lost my grandpa less than a month ago, he lived only a few minutes away from us so I've seen him around pretty much all my childhood. I don't have friends, I'm alr with that but even my parents have closed off. They're grieving pretty bad and I don't think anything will change the current tension anytime soon. I feel terrible, deeply terrible. My ed is causing me to detach from my body, as if im floating, I've been having momentary lapses and brain fog. Nothing feels real ryan. Off topic but I've dated sone ppl after you but it never worked out. Im starting to thing I can never love anyone again, it's crazy I know but it takes alot for me to fell for someone. I dated ppl who fell in love w me but I couldn't bring myself to love them back. Maybe I'm toxic for still fixating over my ex I dated as a young teen. It's crazy but it is what it is. I lowkey wish u don't see this or that u forgot your pw bc i know your life might be busy, fun even. I wish we could text i wish I knew u irl. U promised you'll show me your face this year, i wish you wouldn't break it but there's only 2.5 months left until you break it. Ive got my Instagram and Tumblr in my location display so if you finally decide to break no contact then im here, which I know wouldn't happen. You probably got a girlfriend now, maybe college, maybe you're finally happy now, maybe you fixed your sleep schedule...i can only imagine, anyways i love you and it's 12:02 am and i miss you

I've given up and u should too. tbh things have taken a 180 and I'm a serial cutter + anorexic and rn it's 11 pm and my chest hurts and i think i won't make it tmr ill die ryan ill die I'm so sorry I got worse im sorry pls give up on me pls there's nothing left

if u don't reply after July I'll give up