Death-By-Feels

Hi guys! I’m just making this announcement because I lost one of my favorite books?! I haven’t been able to be on recently, but I got in the mood to read this specific books that’s been in my library for years and I can’t find it now! I’ll try and give as much info as I can but if you know it and you know the name or authors name and if/when/why it was taken down, please let me know! 
          
          It is a mxm bdsm book
          So the main bits I remember is that the MMC (I think his name is Lane?) is a lil bit of a sex addict, one could say, and he goes out with his cousin(?) and his (cousins) boyfriend to a bdsm club where he meets the other mmc something happens(?) and they end up alone, Lane has a panic attack because of his past, which upsets the other mmc (I can’t remember his name, but Lane calls him Daddy and Brown Sugar a lot ).
          
          So anyway BS starts perusing Lane, but Lane tells him he could never bottom again after what happened to him when he was younger (he was assaulted by foster parents, maybe???), and they just hang out as friends for a while. They end up together and honestly the next big thing I remember is Lane accidentally with drawling from his EXTREMELY strong anti depressants and having a major depressive episode and honestly I can’t remember too much after that. 
          
          I believe there’s a second book revolving around the cousin and his partner, which I why I wanted to reread this book before reading that one and now I can’t find either! 
          
          If I remember the cover correctly it was a dark gray with the two MMC (White and African American) on the cover and green font. 
          
          These two are the loves of my life! Please help!

Your a baddie for what you did I saw your comment on season change ❤️ wanna get married ?

Y'all.... In case you've been wondering about the inactivity (Haven't been on in months, 500+ notifications in my inbox) Ya girl got herself a bo!!! Yeahhhh soooo he's super sweet and we've been a little busy ;) Hope you don't mind!!

A sound danced about the trees
          Swirling, jumping, waving!
          To the melody of melancholy screams
          A narcissistic man crowed about the streets
          "Woes! Oh Lord! Woes me!"
          An illness above the clouds
          Swimming in sorrowful sounds
          Beckoning, chanting, my they're loud!
          Great plague peaked about a window
          But who it was seeing, oh I wish to know!
          But, oh! The woman, how she quivered on her toes
          When that plagues smirk became a smile,
          Their expressions revile,
          How she froze!
          For that woman's story
          Had come to a close
          And at the end she turned out her nose
          To death himself shouted 'No!'
          But that woman now
          Finds her home in the ground
          Where those holy trees
          Take root and sprout

More Poem Times!!!
          
          I had a dream
          Of life, love and peace
          But what does it mean
          To watch it fall before me?
          
          I recognize this silence
          Hanging in the trees
          Heavy with great sorrow and grief
          
          Now we're begging for a difference
          Shameless on our knees
          begging for forgiveness,
          Equality, and peace
          
          But here we are, constantly rejected
          Humiliated and ignored
          You pretend we're crazy
          But blame us when you're bored
          
          Mass shootings, politics, and 'The lord'
          Manipulated tragedies
          Governments folklore.
          
          I had a dream
          Of life, love and peace.
          But my dream turn to a nightmare
          And everything in between.

I need someone to talk to about something... If you're up for it dm me I need advice 

We’re mourning in America
          For things we cannot change
          We’re living in hysteria
          But still ignoring the strange
          
          Hear the cries of America
          As our generation falls
          Surely you can hear their protests
          Through the White House walls
          
          It’s mourning in America 
          A country almost the same
          As the hatred of our past
          Rises up again and again
          
          America, will you ever stop mourning?
          For significant then, numbers now few
          For those you never loved, never knew?
          
          America, will you ever wake?
          Open your eyes?
          Perhaps actually see
          Where our real threats lie?
          
          But no, here in America 
          Our people stay happily blind
          Shuffled aimlessly onto a side
          Uneducated to protest, only to comply
          
          America, pull out your Airpods
          And take a look at our odds
          They’re slim. 
          Netflix and Hulu now our Gods
          
          America, wake up and stop mourning
          The worlds state is but a warning
          Don’t fear GMOs 
          Fear the real threats we face
          War, bankruptcy, illness - Global warning
          Or not waking up tomorrow morning.

Jotted this down earlier - Might continue it idk
          
          Next Time You’ll Know Better - Laci Wymer
          
          	Walk into a room - Forget why you’re there - Repeat. The life of the Regulars is a constant one. Never changing; Forever blind. Thanking God for letting you live on Sunday - Going home and sinning on Monday. Horribly pitiful. 
          
          	There are few, however, who break the mold. The design - Who hack the code. We call them The Lovers. The few people who see beauty in more than the pain. Those who smell the blood through the flowery perfumed veil-like idealism of the ‘Perfect World’. Those who dare not to agree, comply - Form and mold. Those who are, generally, executed before they can really bloom into Lovers. 
          
          	Most of them share alike stories; They begin to doubt the little things - “Where did Michl go?” or “What’s with all the dead trees?” - Naturally, it’s human nature to share these thoughts. To seek reassurance in the people they love most. It never happens, though. They’re sold out by the very people they place their trust in - Next thing they know, their beloved government is pursuing them. Interviewing people close to them on whereabouts and gauging if they think the same illegal things. They’re no longer safe in the places they feel the safest. Most don’t make it out. Those who do, can never be near their people again. Formally, they’re regarded as ‘Disciples’ - Informally, they’re Lovers. 
          
          	Disciples of equity - Lovers for Truth - Addicts coked up on Humanity - Or the ruins of it, anyway.

More Poems!!!
          
          (Trigger warning: School shooting speak)
          
          Stigmatized into silence
          They’re festering in violence
          Hide behind the GPA
          “My child’s the best in the game!”
          
          Like to pretend
          They’re not rotting inside
          Cause in the end
          Winnings on your mind
          
          Constant inadequacy
          Why can’t you see;
          That whats good for you
          Isn’t so great for me?
          
          I’m writing this at 12:33am
          Cause my sleep schedule is as fucked
          As I am
          
          My eyes hurt from sleep deprivation
          Vision clouded in red saturation
          Your words are just a donation
          ‘Cause in the end
          I’m my own assassin
          
          You got me used to the backstabbing
          Life’s little side-tracking
          Forget the youth
          Hide the truth
          
          Get rid of your light-up shoes
          The shooter will find you
          Hide in your locker
          Don’t be a squawker
          
          We’ll miss you dearly,
          Visit a tombstone with your name
          You made it to 8, nearly
          But your birth was vain

I just want to let the person who commented on something of mine a while ago with "You should Google YUNGBLUD" 
          
          Hi 
          And also you've ruined my life
          Also
          I love you so much thank you