@Ladaclairielle
For anyone who'd like to understand why I called Matthew a pirate, but he doesn't act like one.
In short: he's the son of someone branded a pirate.
For more information, check out 'TTOTT Universe' of my profile for the full canon, which is constantly being updated as the story unfolds. Thank you ♡
Hi! Vote 4 Vote and Follow 4 Follow? If yes then message me on my Wattpad board for follow and vote back
Hey I'm also here from reddit. Just read/commented on your first chapter.
https://www.wattpad.com/story/402396342?utm_source=android&utm_medium=link&utm_content=share_reading&wp_page=reading&wp_uname=StanleyZgrodek
The link is a collection of short stories I'm looking for feedback on. If you would return the favor I'd be happy to continue to give your story attention, and we could possibly start a collaboration. Thanks and great job so far!
Hi ho.
I came from Reddit to read your story. Currently I'd give it a 6.5 out of 10. It's good, shows promise, but for me personally doesn't line up consequences and characterizations right.
Chapter Three especially feels off to me, as you undermine Chapter Two with it. You show in Chapter Two Leah realize her species is monstrous and have an existential meltdown, meaning the superstitions of every other sailor is valid at that point. Sea faring individuals are also highly superstitious, the longer they've been on the water the more rigid the belief. So having the Captain go "oh, guess I was wrong about mermaids. My bad." inherently feels wrong.
I do like the monsters actually feeling like monsters, your dialogue is good and you explain the setting fairly well. You have decently solid writing skills, you just sometimes forget follow through.
Keep up the good work, and hope this helps ya.
@KrisRyder Yeah, not a problem. I should probably clarify that by "monster" I specifically meant that sirens as described in your setting are more monstrous in the mythic sense of the word. Medusa is a monster in Greek Mythology, for example, but is a victim of the gods hubris. She's sympathetic, but monstrous in her abilities and nature. Your character Leah is an example of that.
@KrisRyder Hi, yeah, thank you for your critique. The thing is non of my main characters is a monster, the mermaid doesn't want to kill living being, Matthew doesn't feel like pirate life is for him and the captain is a loving father, who protects his son no matter what nonsense that boy speaks, he genuinely loves him. But i totally get the "you sometimes forget follow through", I'll be more attentive, thank you for this
Hey! It is nice to meet you. I found your post on Reddit and I'd love to connect. I look forward to reading your book!