Ever heard of toyhou.se ? Cuz I joined that haha

I can't keep doing this. I haven't even started and I can't do this. I start school tomorrow but every time I think about having to go to schoo every day and do work gives me a panic attack. I don't have any classes with any of my friends. I haven't been sleeping great and I'm going to a concert in an hour so I'm not going to sleep any better tonight. I'm also terrified that I'm going to have a class with a guy that almost made me kill myself a few years ago. I haven't eaten anything today either, I started to make myself a sandwich but we don't have anything to put on it and I don't have any more energy to make something else. And I haven't showered in two days but I can't make myself get up. I spent my whole afternoon designing a collage for my binder but ran out of tape so I can't put it in my bag. I'm not even packed for school! There's one class I'm excited for but when I went to the open house I asked the teacher a really dumb question and she probably thinks I'm an idiot or at least that I don't know what I'm doing.
           This is all so stupid.

Sorry for the notification but
          I can't find anything good to read on here :(
          My recs are all payed stories, k-pop, dreamsmp, or really cishet alpha male type crap
          I need fluffy gay shit, polyam rep, good smut, y/n with no romance (self insert?), or something with no self harm/homophobia. It doesn't need to check all the boxen but I'm desperate for anything

This morning I saw that my ex texted me at 5am. She hasn't texted me since we broke up and that was almost a year ago. All she said was "Hii" but it's bothered me all day. I'm not going to text her back, she was lying about everything the entire time we were together but I can't stop wondering /what if?/

I don't know my name
          Literally. No matter what I tell people when they ask it feels wrong. My birth name doesn't fit me and all my nicknames feel nothing more than that, a nickname. I've asked people for suggestions, for what they thought I looked like and I've gotten responses like Justin, Jamie, and Cole, but they still don't feel right. I guess if I just chose one and stuck to it, eventually it would feel normal, but I went by Jamie for a full year and it never really felt right, it somehow became Jimmy for the next year after that one, and it feels slightly better but it doesn't feel like a real name. Plus both of those names are alternatives to James and that's my aunt's ex-husbands name so I don't want that. I guess I just want my parents to give me a new name, that would probably feel most right, especially since I was named after a character my grandmother would make up stories about to tell my mom and aunt, but my mom's still kind of in denial and I'm afraid it'd hurt her if I asked too soon.

I don't have a desktop to edit my pf on so I'll put my bio here