@LeonaBillings
Something you could work on, is the emotion that each of your characters elude.
Example: instead of, "Looked around the room." To make it more dramatic, "He cast the shadow of his gaze across the room."
Just to let you know, you asked for my opinion. So, unlike other writers who will just say, "Oh, it's good so far!" I will be more detailed in my thoughts and suggestions. If you want, you can send me drafts for the story on my account, and I'll revise and make suggestions before you post it.
@8thOcean, of course, I was hoping for harsher criticism because I want to make it as good as possible!
