chaotic_ratdog

Not feeling too good tbh I feel like a bad person sometimes and probably am 

I generally hope my sister gets hit by a fucking car i wouldn't feel bad for a single second :) she pisses me off so much like watch your mouth fucker I could do something at any moment ass rat

Bro I can't sleep from how much I'm crying like can you stop being a pussy and go to sleep idiot JFC 

Said goodbye to my mom and she looked confused shit even I was confused why did I say that for lol

MY SOUL JUST LEFT MY FUCKING BODY WHAT THE FUCKITY FUCK 
          
          
          I HAD HORRIBLE DIARRHEA AND IT CLOGGED THE TOILET????
          
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          My mind turning into Santa running towards the earth with red shit coming out of him

Oh my fucking God I'm pathetic I'm so pathetic ahaha...did I say I'm pathetic already? It's so funny
          
          Knock knock..... who's there?
          
          I'm!!!......I'm who?
          
          
          I'm pathetic!!!
          
          
          Why is everything so loud I feel bad when people in my house are talking and then there's me bickering threats under my breath to cause harm and punching my leg repeatedly :D
          
          Maybe I'm just really sensitive to sound cuz even when someone is eating or whispering it pisses me the fuck off to the point I'll bite myself really hard

Also tonk I'm sorry about what happened can you generally stop hating me because at this point I'm thinking about just ending early you never even talked to me and pookie about the blocking situation either when you were using my main account it made me look bad but we can just forget about it I guess just stop hating me please it hurts a lot

Starting to think I don't deserve anybody, nobody deserves to deal with someone who lays on their ass all day bed rotting, barely making any efforts to talk and acts like a damn robot, isn't funny and is actually boring, wants to yap and be weird but is too scared to and other issues like do you want to deal with someone who doesn't know how to be themselves and is just a random ball of energy? I generally think I piss people off because they probably think my ass acts like a 5 year old on steroids 
          
          I think the people I've met along the way deserve someone who's way more better than me, someone who isn't depressed all the time and acts like everything is okay when it isn't. They deserve to actually feel loved and appreciated, I feel bad every time I lay in bed sitting there doing nothing thinking about the cool things I could be doing with people but no, just sit there in silence only thinking about doing it 
          
          It's weird how that works, it's like I want to socialize with people because being alone makes me anxious but being too close and I disappear, that's the problem I hate about myself if avoiding when things get too close
          
          This isnt targeted to anybody in my past this is generally coming from myself and my mind this is how I feel (okay maybe the group of 6 people that literally left me because oh no I'm different ew alien)

I generally failed in life I can't make anybody happy it's always someone else who naturally does it, how the hell does that work? I wanna make people laugh and help them feel safe but every word feels basic every word feels I'm not even trying it's because my sensitive ass gets scared that it'll backfire and make everything worse what is wrong with me plus I'm scared to talk about how I feel because everyone else is going through their own problems and I don't want to make it worse by speaking about myself
          
          It's like am I even trying or is this all pretend? I generally don't know what's wrong with me anymore sometimes my brain acts like i don't care about anybody or maybe that's just how people see me but in reality I do care I just overthink my words and always wonder if it even helps or not
          
          I literally lost a server of friends 2 days ago because they saw me as different, quiet and selfish it made me re-think every decision I ever made and wondered if this is how other people think of me....do I annoy them? Does it look like I'm not listening to them? I do listen it's just talking about my life is a way to bond with someone, trying to relate to them is the only way I know to communicate it's how I grew up

Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing something right
          
          Sometimes it's cool to think how we even got here I mean look at us we're walking talking thinking humans in a world of all different colors forced to socialize and set goals or we'll all go insane and lose a fake purpose in our lives, it's amazing why we haven't gave ourselves a pat on the back you should be proud for sticking around on this surface being allowed to live by the will of a God that we the people are supposed to believe in when life isn't feeling fair
          
          Crazy how that works right? Okay that was just random ignore that actually what the fuck am I saying anymore....uh uh uh....pancake?  Don't know... do something with it I guess
          
          
          Hey how about some useless advice? Maybe that'll boost the mood! Yeah! Good idea.
          
          i learned it's okay to not post-pone all your moments towards other people, it's okay to live life in the visual moment, not everybody has to know, you dont have to share your perspective towards the entire world. it's okay to not be known it's okay to not be seen living your best moments because as soon as it's all gone people will speculate your every move like a documentary, recording you every second like your life depended on it...dont be blinded by the artificial light we're all attached to, don't let go of the true light shining on your heart or it'll fade away and you'll be lost forever.
          
          
          K bye I'm delusional have more pancakes to cope you random freaks