..𐌋૯ƴส𝐡🥀🧸

Chat, I'm so happy. I made a new lot of friends meaning a new start them not knowing my problems. They're also really nice people.

what'd i'd do to go back to my school amp from last year i want so bad ly to relive the convos the nights and activities it was so fun 3 nights me my 2 friends and my boyfriend.

no cause I was reading an SBI angst book and like the plot is one of the kids just want to be told that their proud of him and he has and eating disorder ect
          
          and it full on made me realise no one has ever told me they are proud of me like ok all goods then. Also who was gonna tell me that my ed got worse fr

I'm so glad my friends dont use wattpad anymore, and yhat my partner is with family, so i can't get stopped by the messgaing tonight.
          
          Do you want reasons? I'll tell ya:
          
          My parents think so lowly of me to the point im going numb again.
          
          I knew to have co trol of sowmthing if i jave co trop of my death im forever in control.
          
          My friends are leaving me.
          
          I'm not going to get out of school with any mental safety left.
          
          Everyone thinks lowly of me
          
          All I do is annoy people. The only reason I'm posting these any more is so I can say by to my little audience.
          
          can I say things I've never talked about, probably well, at least i feel I haven't?
          
          My dad would come in when I was in the bath and shower. I would tell him to stop, but he never did. Was this sa?
          
          My grandad and dad would slap my ass even after I told them to stop? I'm probably just overreacting
          
          My dad comments on my body, saying my arse is big and I'm fat. I'm his child. It's fine he's allowed to
          
          I used to think my parents abused me.it was just punishment. They just hit me. Its punisment not abuse, yes they used belts, spoons ect but it was punishment:
          My mental health got so bad for a while. i wouldn't clean my room for months.
          
          I get trigged by a lot of things. Any slight comments on my body will cause my ed to get worse. E.g, a teacher once came to me and said, "You've gotten skinnier." I starved myself, so I would get skinnier cause, obviously, I am fat.  My friends also commented on my body calling me fat. i would laugh alone, but really, i stopped eating again.
          
          Every time I hear about my friends sh, I want to relapse because I feel like it's my fault.
          
          What about a couple of sweet things?
          
          Every time my boyfriend looks me in the eyes, slightly touchs me, compliments me, etc. I get so nervous but in a good way, obvi.
          
          Well, I guess this is my goodbye. Bye lovelies, I'll miss you all. If it doesn't work, I'm so sorry if I ever put you through pain.
          

No one understands my fear of change like, I've been friends with the same girl for three years even though she abused me hirt me physically and mentally buliied me ect cause im scared of change
          
          Like im terrified this year cause I think my friend group is splitting up and I'm already alone in all my classes and I can't be alone cause I get stressed and over think and think people are judging me and I get stressed when were learning something I don't umderstand probaly and I no longer will have my partner to explain it to me cause he's in a diffretn class.
          
          And I struggle talking to people I don't know.
          
          And I xan't functioned, probably in school. If I'm alone, I need someone to bounce off of otherwise. I get confused.
          
          And  being alone means me just thinking, meaning me gwtting deep into thought, meaning suicidal though sh thoughts and just over think in general.
          
          And the only reason I'm not giving up and just running away or yk dying is cause of the fact I've been like guilt tripped into not killing myself.
          
          

I made amends with the old and slit they throat with a receipt of all the wrongs and reasons

Gonna self promo for a little cause i can.
          
          If you would like more content of mine other then just books, I stream atleaat once a month (lmao) 
          
          At www.twitch.tv/l3yahliv3 
          
          This weekend if I can get my obs fixed i will be streaming so please go check it out it would mean the world thank you

I was rezding a ff and they started like grabbing her thigh and i was luke "i could never fr" then started dying of embarrassment realising i did do that to my partner multiple times last year in class. NARRRR
          
          Goung to go dig a hole and cry of embarrassment who let me have the balls/confidentence to do that nar

Nothing sucks more then when your on your period no one wants to talk/see you so your left just think and you start realising how pathetic, helpless and dependent you are and you just cry

Why did god look at me and think "uh yes emotional mess"