Libate3639

Hey girl when you  updating again?

So the other day we went out with the huns from work, and the place we ended up at randomly played Return to Innocence by Enigma. A jam. I love that song and honestly, all their songs go down smooth. It was such a lovely surprise because… when last?
          
          Naturally, I was singing along, having the absolute time of my life. But the song sparked a whole conversation at the table about their “demonic” designs, the lawsuits behind the music, the chanting, the symbolism, all the things.
          
          Personally, I don’t agree with the “demonic” part. Their music has always given me "body scan" meditation vibes. It doesn’t disturb my peace at all. But because my brain is wired the way it’s wired, I couldn’t just leave it there. I had to go find out what the deal actually is.
          
          I found out and now I have information and by extension, I have a theory. But I can’t share the theory without sharing the findings, and I’m lazy.
          
          So now I’m walking around with all this Enigma lore in my head. It’s all I can think about. I need to tell it to someone so it becomes their problem and not mine but again… lazy.
          
          Yeah. In conclusion, the songs still hit but because I've left my blissful ignorance, my peace has been disturbed.
          
          K thanks, bye.

Apparently, all I needed was a heated debate with a recruiter to get over my writer's block. We're back! And Between Hearts is coming up soon. The next two chapters are ~60% done

One thing about recruiters? They will play in your face every chance they get.
          
          This hun really called me, got me excited about a role, took down my details, agreed to my salary expectations, sent me through assessments, interviews... the whole process. I aced everything.
          
          Then the offer comes and it's LOWER than what we discussed.
          
          When I decline, she tells me, "The truth is, what you're asking for is way over their budget. I say take this offer. It'll be reviewed in three months and your salary should increase."
          
          Darling, that is preposterous! That would be the very definition of insanity!
          
          You want me to leave a job where I've just been promoted, built enough rapport that I only go into the office for team building or the occasional software update, and where nobody is policing whether I show up wearing pajamas...for a fully in-office role with a dress code, a new manager, and a salary cut? Based on a hypothetical conversation that might happen in three months?
          
          In what universe, my love, in what universe does that make any sense?
          
          And she makes it sound like I'm being unreasonable. This company wants me to drive their entire AI strategy, do you know how much AI costs? So you have the money for that but can't pay me what I'm worth?
          
          How about you get off my phone, go build yourself an AI agent to do this work and then try telling the AI vendor you'll pay the full licensing fees after a hypothetical three-month review?
          
          My God!

I agreed to an outing with my colleagues.
          
          It's now Thursday evening and instead of cancelling, these huns are in the group chat coordinating outfits.
          
          So this is really happening.
          
          I regret everything.

You know, my biggest problem in life is starting things. Like this presentation. If I could just begin, I know I’d lock in and finish it. But right now? There isn’t enough money on this planet to make me open my soul and start these slides.
          
          I’ve been sitting here for an hour opening and closing PowerPoint. At this point, I’m relying fully on God, guilt and the last‑minute panic.

"What's on your mind?"
          
          Me: Just do me a fucking favor, alright? Ban every fucking film with a postscript, and we'll be good. We'll be fucking great! But to write shit like this? To write this bullshit? To box people in because you don't have the love of film, because you don't have the mind to critique the form, the medium, the technique. You don't have the words to describe the fucking emotions or too much fear that you're not gonna get clicks, or too much fucking fear that you're afraid the mob's gonna turn on you. Well then fuck you! Fuck you for inhibiting the ability for artists to dream about what life may be like for other fucking people! Fuck you! Twice! With a sick cactus d*ck! And even if you come up short, even if you could do better, fuck you! You're the reason they make this fucking stale, safe, stagnant turgid fucking shit in the first place! You're the reason! Not me! You're the reason! I mean, you should be fucking bold! You should be fucking reckless! People should be fucking reckless! They should be yelling at the top of their lungs! Heeey, Karen! Heeey, Al! I hear you and I don't give a fuuuuuck! Because they're not gonna get any better until they start rebelling against this fucking purist, moralistic, academic nonsense in the same way that Spike Lee rebelled against the white system when he made 'Do The Right Thing'. Normally, I fucking wish death upon someone like this. Someone who lacks the fucking imagination like this. But instead, I'm gonna pray fucking hard, the way my mama taught me, that she gets fucking carpal tunnel, until her hands atrophy and cramp and she can no longer write nonsensical fucking garbage like this anymore!
          
          
          Lmao RENT FREE! If they can put this man and Olivia Pope's dad in a movie? I'm telling you!

I am genuinely perplexed by how shocked and outraged people are over Jonas on The Polygamist. It's like some people are only now discovering what men are capable of. Have we all not been living on the same planet?
          
          Every day social media is flooded with story times about infidelity, deception, double lives, manipulation, abandonment, and worse. We have endless discussions about the causes of divorce. We have statistics on gender-based violence. We have conversations about sexual assault. We literally had an entire movement around #MenAreTrash, much of it driven by women sharing experiences with men exactly like Jonas.
          
          Yet somehow people are reacting as though they've just witnessed a completely fictional phenomenon.
          
          I've even seen people asking, "Does this really happen in real life?"
          
          That question alone nearly took me out.
          
          Is ignorance really that blissful? My my my!
          
          You know what? When I die, I really hope I go to heaven because right now, in this very moment, I am in hell!

I know a few months ago I said ultra marathons were a "one and done" thing for me. I mean I saw everything I needed to see and learn about myself at Two Oceans and closed that chapter.
          
          Hoooowever, I've had a change of heart.
          
          I'm probably still riding the post-race high from yesterday, so perhaps I should be making major life decisions after a cooling-off period but we're here now.
          
          I'm doing Comrades 2027.
          
          Yeah.
          
          Training starts on Monday.
          
          May future me forgive present me for this decision. My heart is clean and my intentions are pure lol bottom line is I won't die and that's all that matters.

Also, we're 8 days away from Comrades and my sister-in-law and I are still beefing. The question on my mind right now is how good sis plans on getting to the event because if I'm the captain of this ship (and I am) thennn......? I meannnnnn??? Lol I'm just playing