this account is dead

Bro I have ~*ascended*~
          
          I just had cold brew + monster and I am  ~*riding*~ this
          
          I can feel my brain juice

*Trigger warning: gore, talks about self slice. This is your warning*
          
          
          
          
          
          ***********
          
          for context I was feeling dysphoric and depressed as FUCK and was having not good thoughts so I'm posting them to the internet for advice/ validation because I'm too cowardly to act on my thoughts
          
          Anyone else AFAB have the urge to either
          
          1, take something sharp a do the titty removal yourself
          
          Or
          
          2, take something sharp and fuck them up so bad that a doctor HAS to take off whatever is left
          
          In other words I'm feeling the urge to do very bad things and coping mechanisms haven't been working. Also don't wanna bother my busy friends cuz they just had a baby, even though they will prolly see this and tell me off for not going to them in the first place
          
          so I'm screwed (;ŏ﹏ŏ)

Quick thing- I will not be v active for the next few days. I'm going to my transphobic grandparents house and need to both mentally prepare myself and not be on my phone around them or they will start shit. I should be back tomorrow evening.

Okay so I got anxious and put into google 
          
          "What to do if a tampon gets stuck"
          
          Not because one did get stuck but because I didn't know what to do if one did. 
          
          And Google really went "try to birth it" 
          
          Obviously not said like that but damn, I'm sorry to everyone with a vagina including myself

Okay so I was text ranting about Pinky and the Brain to my boyfriends and realized they didn't know what I was talking about so I kinda info dumped a lot and when I apologised for it cuz I felt annoying at that point they really hit me with the: "I don't mind as long as it makes you happy"  and I just- jsjshavsnxjdjdgsgznjx I love them both so much ಥ‿ಥ

Small update about my last post
          
          Things got figured out :D 
          
          Also how can one guy be so sweet?? AND CUTE/HANDSOME AT THE SAME TIME!! 
          i don't deserve him (人*´∀｀)｡*ﾟ+

So I have a small problem that hopefully someone has some decent advance for.. 
          
          first off: I'm in a poly relationship but this is mainly dealing with one of my two partners, Fynn.
          
          Both of them know that I use age regression and after a bit of explaining they are both cool with it, but I was still really anxious for the first time I was gonna regress around either of them. It happened about a week ago and it was during a Video Call (cuz covid) I was in with just Fynn, unplanned but nothing went wrong. Fynn tried to reassure me that he didn't mind, that he had fun and he found it educational and said he now knew what to expect when it happened again. All great stuff, I'm happy, he's happy, we go on our marry way.
          But! The other day when I was feeling really stressed out he tried you let it on subtly that It was okay and I could regress if I needed too, now that would be good but the way he said it made me feel all kinds of bad about it.. 
          his exact words were " now OBVIOUSLY I prefer BigAlex but if you /need/ to i don't mind dealing with you being little " 
          He made it sound like he was gonna deal with me riding a hangover, something like he didn't really want to do but was gonna 'grit and bare it' anyways. I can't get his words out of my head any time I want/need to be little, honestly I told him I was gonna nap it off and just thought about it for a while and I haven't been completely little sense.. 
          
          Am I over thinking this? Or what cause I really don't know what to do about this..

So KiKi definitely has a favorite and I don't know if I should be awe-ing at the wholesome sight of KiKi fallowing my mom and being cute or be jealous that Im not having puppy cuddles...

Okay so the past few days have been an ADVENTURE
          
          we are currently housing a rescue dog named Kiki and we've all fallen in love with her because shes just so sweet and TINYYYY
          
          sadly we can't keep her but she will be staying for about a week or so, we want her to leave us as heathy as possible

How would you guys feel if I changed my user name?
          
          Don't get me wrong I like the one I have now, I've had it for about two and a half years and I'm getting a little bored of it..
          
          Lmk