Vent ig
TW:ED
So starvation has always been kind of a thing for me. In 4th grade I starved myself for a week because I liked the feeling of being hungry, In 6th grade I starved myself for a week to feel valid. This year something a bit different happened, but fundamentally it was the same. In early January of 2023 I developed Bulimia. Basically I would make myself throw up whenever I ate, it was kinda about my weight, but also about controlling what I could when things felt out of control. My rule was, if I failed to vomit, I wouldn't eat for 2 days. At some time I didn't do that for a while and just let it slip by. So at one point I was like, "Okay I missed a while, so I just will starve myself for a week to make up for it!" But it ended up not just being a week, because that was a month ago, and I haven't stopped yet. And it just kinda got worse from there. The only reason I ate today was because we had family dinner and I had to eat, if I didn't then I would've gone the whole day with only gum and Monster. I'm not really looking to get better at the moment but just needed to vent a bit.