Gosh… I’m so stupid… I literally almost typed a heart in a message to aspen.. for absolutely no dang reason… I just messaged her, yet I suppose I’m over her it’s just, I still worry about her, i mea we’re just friends now but like I still worry about how she’s feeling, I care about her, I just want her to be okay, but now I have a girlfriend, and I love her so much<3
She’s so pretty and amazing and we have a lot in common!
I feel so bad.. I was jus at the doctors to get new meds, for adhd and such, the doctor is really nice.
Anderson already knows I have a gf, and he’s still trying to pare me up with someone/people and I’m like no. I already have a gf. I don’t want anyone else <3
But yet again I feel as if I shouldn’t be able to love anyone.. like I don’t deserve it.. I can’t… but I am…
And she’s so amazing<3
I just feel like I got into a relationship so fast even though I probably haven’t, now here I am writing this while I’m in study hall, I feel as if I have nothing to be sad for and my stupid self wants that feeling back. To cry. To be back and depressed even though it’s not good to be in that state… it’s horrible with my anxiety and depression…
I’m sorry to all my friends who are with me here it’s not like I’m alright, I get defensive super fast and I’m an idiot.. I’m mainly unmotivated, but she gives me light, and happiness, she makes me smile so much… I hate not talking to her.. I hate it.. I haven’t been able to regress at all and I feel the need too.. I need to do it… but I can’t… when I need to cry I can’t because I’m in class.. or around people.. and they’re gonna ask “what’s wrong?” What if there is no reason to cry? But they all think there is… that there is a reason I’m crying.. but there is none and they keep on pestering me and bugging me and then I lash out at them and get really mad… and I don’t want to be mean… it’s not good…
I’m so tired… feel as if I can’t sleep as well… I need my sleep medications… but I don’t have any.. and I don’t
