I'm just a little cactus in a big city tryin' to make it big.  One day I'll be the Santa Claus of Times Square.  I strive to be a Russian comedian.  I would rather lick a shoe than eat a pillow.  I detest the word "stank" but love "skank".  My lumps make me crave fried chicken on Fridays as well as Tuesdays if I have a good cup of mystery-flavor Kool-aid.  I have sixteen voices and five apparitions and two of them make me feel the willies in my little cactus heart.
The Llama Apocalypse was hard on all of us.  But we must remain strong.  The world doesn't remember the war, but those of us too strong to forget remembered.  Don't ever leave your bacon-scented candle at home or burning for more than twenty-four minutes and twelve seconds.  Any more than that and a Sea Bear WILL eat you.
Remember the Llamapocalypse.  Not Liam from One Direction.  He is a valuable asset to the rebellion, though.  We shall distract their leader with his fabulous hair.
T-shirts coming soon.  Probably not.  Definitely not.