crazy_mania
Hi LmsyKid! I'm the one who message you from X :) hope you don't take this to heart but a way to improve your writing from a reader for more than a decade hehe
I LOVE your spacing. It doesn't strain the eyes and the cuts per pov or paragraph are great. The wordplay, puns, and jokes are also great. I might shamelessly saved a lot of quotes (that I'm going to write in my quote book) 'cuz I loved it so much!
The storyline fits #LMSY so well that I hope they'll choose this story for future adaptation. A mischievous singer and a warrior lover. The storyline doesn't feel force as their flirting shows a good courtship-pace and into lovers pace.
Writing-wise for stories like warriors, I hope to see becoming era of Athara first as it helps to solidify the story of her being strong. For stories like CEO, heartthrobs, etc., it doesn't need that much back story and you can just jump to them being top-tier for their field but for warriors, giving them "becoming story" can help the readers see through their scars and hardships before becoming great in battle. The writing would be perfect after their first separation (or you can write another book ;>)
For Seralei, since she's not human, I hope you put how long she's been living, how many creatures out there (aside from human and Moirai), also a bit more glimpse of her life before meeting Athara. Like scenes, not just storytime of characters. Also, how did Lysenne knew that she's a Moirai?
If you wish to write Book 2, I also hope that there's dispute to other creatures, or make it unpredictable as you're a very capable writer ;)
Pacing is REALLY GOOD however, one thing feel forced is Seralei joining the missions. Her mingling with the camp is ok considering she's with Athara, but the commander allowing her to join missions even if Athara insist is a bit weird for me. I get it, it's to make the story interesting but mind you, she just joined them and they don't know her very well.
LmsyKid
@crazy_mania Actually, that second story felt force, I was writing it and making chapters longer than I feel like it should be. Personally, I'm the kind of person who gets bored at reading long stories (≧▽≦) so it's not my personal choice, somewhere between it is just messy as I've lost direction and drive to even continue but feel guilty on the readers waiting. I really don't have confidence in writing, I just write when I feel like to, but I think forcing other people to enjoy the story got a bit on me. That's why I don't really feel the second story myself. Even it got quite a lot of votes, reading feedbacks matters to me, that way I can fully see how readers think. I really like reading brutal feedbacks that's where I get motivation rather than just likes and compliments. But yeah, I appreciate your time reading
crazy_mania
@LmsyKid hi again Author! Any other reasons why you won't recommend the other book? I started reading it and I can say you both good in writing with different tones. Like The Blade is a bit classic for me while the other is more conversational type. Also, do you prefer feedbacks/ comments while writing your book? Will that affect the plot? Tbh, I think if you're writing good, ppl will love you anyway
LmsyKid
@crazy_mania about the name, yeah I was very hesitant to use their name in making fanfiction especially everytime I write mature scenes Idk, but it gives me a restricting feeling everytime, this actually give me a problem on the other story I wrote actually. I don't recommend you reading that one lol. And actually I really did thought of making a twist of the story, a pretty big twist but because of lack in feedbacks I can't fully see if the readers would like to read the story longer. I'm not really confident in writing, but everytime I wrote the scenes and characters in the story, I also make myself feel like them which is quite challenging. Before I forgot, about how the princess know she's a mermaid. That part I forgot to explained too, but in their kingdom it was not new that they encounter creatures like Seralei, and Seralei herself too, Seralei's age I prefer not too mention. And I don't mind, you can save any quotes as much as you want! Anyways, thanks