Heart In A Honeycomb

Tomorrow kicks off a new chapter in my life, very exciting. Wish me luck, I'll be beginning school. I'm still a writer, even if it's college essays. I look forward to getting my degree, cultivating my own financial independence. Tonight I'm writing along little archival writing tidbits, nothing published, nothing for your eyes quite yet. Things are happening nonetheless!

It's been a month since my last update. I figure I should check in. 
          I'm still writing. I finished one WONC story on my cleaned up account, called "Life Is An Island"
          I signed up for online college, classes start next month. Work comes back around in late August. This fall and winter will be very slow for me.
          This summer, I have hopes. Or at least this month. This month is a weird quasi permanent state of trying to make plans for the future.
          Working a lot on "A Silent Countdown" trying to get it polished up nice and get back into the swing of adding to it. It's at 95 ish k words, roughly half done. Big book when she's done. I look forward to posting the chapter updates as I have them on my cleaned up account.
          Also substacking pretty regularly, mostly complaining about tiny things that tick me off. Made a patreon so that there's an easy place for people to talk to me, for fun. 
          I'm getting closer to the edge of the bubble, and when it pops I'll be free and become known more rapidly. A field of resistance before the bliss of being read.
          We got this. Y'all OG readers, you have my appreciation <3

All my WONCs worked, now I have three full novellas to finish by the thirtieth. According to my calculations, I'm quite behind on my word quota in order to make that happen. I'll do it, of course I will. Just a smidge intimidating of an idea.
          Oh no, I'm suffering all this success. ugh, what will I do with all this victory? I keep achieving the things I set out to accomplish, oh no, woe is me.
          Yuck, yeah, I'll get back to minding my own business. Thank you for being here while I work my way through those big stories, found on my professional wattpad linked on my about page!
          Might splash a few more random journal entries here during that time, I love venting. Possibly too much. 
          YOLO

Gang gang, baby, today I have completed phase two of one of the three WONC stories. As started here, as continued on their final resting grounds at my professional account. 
          I'll get to work on Knocks next, I'm excited for it. Also more substackin' got a juicy one cooking up. Potentially too juicy, very emotional piece. Angry. Sometimes writing your feelings is the healthy way to feel them, but posting them on the public internet is not always the healthy way to release the emotion from the self. Who knows, man? I'm not going to be shy about my suffering now.
          Anxiety means we care, feeling nervous to share means a fear that something we care for would be weaponized against us. It has already been weaponized against me the first time, I struggle to imagine how it could be done so again.
          I am not the same person who suffered, I am the result of it and I am willing to share my truths. MY truths, nothing defamatory is being said. Merely recollection from a fallable imperfect human.

WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME I FORGOT THE DREAM JOURNAL?
          Aye ka-ramba!
          It occurs to me that I don't know how to write that onomatopoeia, but honestly I like my rendition and I'll allow it to exist.
          The WONC continues on my formal account, where the stories will live and die. If this page was a hospital where they were born, that account is their childhood home where they never leave the town they grew up in and then eventually die in. Damn, how sad.
          Any whoozers, on the WONC front, the second phase of the story "The Scribe" is complete. Not submitted, as I have an artist in my future who should, SHOULD, have art ready by then. Should. They said they would, but this isn't a job so I dunno what the expectation is here.
          Same goes for you towards me, I'm stull just a hobby writer. I'm working on making those 8k word writing requirements into reality, but life is accelerating out of my favor.
          I will obtain... a DAY JOB! 
          BOO, the haunted shopping list!!! 
          A   J O B!
          An income is good, I just want to write silly little blogs and stories and work on ASC. Guess I'm a starving artist. It blows.

I pinky promise I've been writing. It's largely behind the scenes activities.
          Made a lot of progress on A Silent Countdown, bringing that closer to publication level.
          If the 202 chapters were 70% perfect, we're at a good 89% now. Not a big number difference, but almost an A. Maybe I'm being hard on myself, but it's getting much better.
          My storytelling is in constant practice, skills improve with time and effort.
          Nevertheless, I should actually post some ASC. Yes I do still have HIAH HIAH I'm to get done.
          And three WONC entries that are questionably in deservance of expansion. Unknown. Unknown as to which ones are passed forward to the next stage.
          Waiting to see which ones go forward is kneecapping my time to make it to the next level, but I really don't want to put so much time and effort crunching into a story to make a deadline that's irrelevant.
          I don't want to open it and fall in love with the story progression just to discover that the internet doesn't want this one, they want the other one which feels yucky to my heart as I'm in one lane. Fixation, over commitment. I am a being of human err. Maybe it is foolish to choose patience until I am confirmed, maybe all will be rejected. If so, I would be liberated to go about my own burdens.
          Kinda nice, ngl.
          Though having a victory is also a fun and cool thing too.

Okay, so I opened wattpad, right? Then saw a notification. I always open those, hoping it's some free dopamine. A comment or like buttons, offerings in my honor.
          It's a writing contest.
          They have ... PROMPTS.
          I haven't even looked at the doohickey about what the prizes are, they want little baby novellas 20k words, I could do this in my sleep.
          Then I scroll through... oh gods.. over a hundred different PROMPTS.
          I stop after a while of scrolling. 99. That's a fun number... "You wake up with a strange mark on your skin after a late night encounter you barely remember, and its meaning grows more unsettling by the hour." My brain immediately goes, "It's zombies. That's a zombie bite."
          And now I have a plot, on accident. FROM LOOKIN AT IT.
          I opened this to get at my archive of A Silent Countdown, neglecting editing HIAH as I should be to instead revamp ASC. Now I've been steered in a whole OTHER direction.
          Honestly, there are so many prompts here, I LOVE a good PROMPT. Man I might keep these.. for personal use... y'all don't mind if I just.. throw this entire month out blasting on prompt after prompt.. right?
          WHAT IF I DO ALL OF THEM?
          Please.. I know that's unreasonable. ..but what if I do.. allofthem?
          My fjylga is a constrictor snake, Gods I love biting off more than I can chew. I was going to be productive on things that matter to me today.. but what if I over indulge in a miscellany of short stories spat out like grapeshot hoping one of them snags me a dollop of attention.
          I love attention.
          Man I gotta go, the character count is a coward. I can drop novellas so easy with this verbose attitude, maybe I can do ALL of them?
          Won't know unless I try...

Hey humans, started up the monthly dream journal. Having to lock in twelve times this year instead of every dream has a form of luxury which I am thankful for.
          Haven't been writing so much this week. Big sad. Who knew it was hard to be employed? I didn't. Do now.
          Maybe if I'm lucky I can get really famous on here and turn big readership numbers into big money numbers.
          Step one, get famous.
          Good thing it's an easy one, huh?
          Thanks for reading, I wish you a lovely day.

POSTED CHAPTER OCTOBER IN MY CLEANED UP FORM
          I've been collecting my 2026 dream journal entries, I'm thinking of compiling them by month into their own chapters and then doing a where I am in my life reflection chapter to put it into a sort of perspective as to why or how my mind is having the themes that arise. We'd be starting off strong with some wacky ones, but I fear nothing less would be acceptable from me lol.

I was just doing some clerical work in organizing my writing ideas, I think I have five stories happening at the same time? And technically A Silent Countdown is book one in a five part series, so that's a plus four. Nine open concepts.
          And yesterday I posted a cleaned up version of chapter three/September of "HIAH HIAH I'm", which is great, and I WANT to have the next chapter ready in five days.
          Unrealistic, and the chapter December is so much larger in length than the others so this is quite foolhardy to anticipate locking into timelines in such a format. 
          Furthermore, there is a story, dark fantasy style, which I have contemplated at length without actually writing it out in depth beyond rewriting the major plot web. One which grows upon each consecutive attempt, as if I'm trying to hold back and the damn is overflowing.
          It feels like I took a moments rest and now I enter my writing and I'm ten levels higher than I was, so not I look at my own work in disgust.
          I honestly don't know how a career author can handle that sensation. Publishing a book then locking it in as the way that it is at that time, reading back on it years later and cringing in horror. 
          Do you think professional authors are afraid of reading their first published book for fear of embarrassment?
          My solution to not being disappointed in myself is to give it my best, since you can't ask for more than my best, it's my best. But if my capacity increases so sharply, that comparative best becomes pitiful.
          Anywho, this is a warning that I will not be reliable on the timeline because I feel inspiration for the dark fantasy story UwU, yes it's name is an acronym of UwU because I think it's funny and I dislike titling things. My last substack post was titled "Writing" cause I put something in the title box then did the actual writing, posting it before looking it over again. Whoops.
          This is long, I should go away. Kay bye! 
          I might rant more on substack, there's no character limit there UwU